


Some Things Cosmic

by Snoidel



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra, Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Character is a canoncial ghost, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:47:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 23,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27995514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snoidel/pseuds/Snoidel
Relationships: Background Sokka/Zuko, Sokka & Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Sokka/Yue (Avatar), Suki & Yue (Avatar), Suki/Yue (Avatar)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 34
Collections: Yueki Week 2020





	1. Prologue

> Before we draw  
>  My dear, dear friend  
>  I promise you my word  
>  If we should part  
>  My dear, dear love  
>  You know you're in my heart  
> 
> 
> And though I may be getting older  
>  Know that I'm coming with you  
>  Know that I'm hanging on to  
>  The things that you said  
>  The things that you said  
> 
> 
> I felt my soul  
>  Rise up from my body  
>  When I look into your blue eyes  
>  If cosmic force is real at all  
>  It's come between you and I  
> 
> 
> I want to be naked  
>  I don't mean my body  
>  I don't need my body  
>  I'm floating away  
>  I'm floating away
> 
> Some things Cosmic - Angel Olsen

And just like that, her body is gone. And in its place is nothing. Absolute, endless and eternal nothing. 

For the longest time, all she can feel is the constant pull of La’s force, and her pushing back - back and forth, push and pull, never-ending. 

Her grief overshadows everything – grief for her people, for herself, for the war not yet won despite the insurmountable sacrifice she made. 

She can’t remember beginning to move, but her surroundings are ever-changing, so she must have. She doesn’t care to look. 

Time turns into a cyclical thing, not quite concerning her anymore. She can’t tell how long it has been since she took her place in the sky, or if time even applies to her anymore. 

Confusing visions break through the haze of sorrow like rays of sunshine through a foggy swamp. Sometimes she sees her father and mother. Sometimes her friends. Sokka, a lot of times. She sees them as babies, as withered old shadows of themselves - laughing, crying, living, being - while she’s stuck to the spirit world. She sees strangers filling the spaces she created beside them. 

And she pushes. And she pulls. 

Until one unday, her stream of non-conscience is broken by an unfamiliar silhouette. A graceful shape, moving with purpose amongst the spirit wilds until it settles by a stream. For the first time, Yue wants to look closer. 

It reminds her of a game piece, a perfectly bell-shaped figure, as if carved from an old piece of driftwood. Again, she remembers Sokka. How long has it been since she even thought of him? Too long, she decides, but she quickly remembers why, when the thought of him brings on the faintest memory of feelings – guilt, sadness, something that might have, couldn’t have been love. Luckily, she can’t linger on the feeling, since the now decidedly more person-shaped figure looks up, and looks at her, mouth agape. 

This is definitely not how Suki had expected her evening to go.


	2. Chapter 2

The Avatar and his friends had left quite the impression on Suki and the other Kyoshi warriors. 

After their departure, she and her fellow warriors decided that their skills were wasted on their destroyed island home, and so they set out into the world, eventually finding themselves escorting a group of Earth Kingdom refugees across the country. She didn’t like to admit it, but for the first time in her life, Suki felt like she and her fellow warriors were finally that – warriors, and not just a group of girls playing pretend. 

She felt like she was just finding her rhythm in life, when one evening, her world was turned upside down by yet another spirited being. 

Suki had been kneeling by the river’s edge - the same river they’d been following for directions for days now - giving her dusty armour a much-needed polish. She was carefully scrubbing dirt from her chest guard, when suddenly her armour shone brightly in a ghostly white glow. But her uniform wasn’t the source of the light, it was merely reflecting the glow of a spirit, ascending from the moon which was shining just as bright – but not quite as bright – as what Suki now recognized as a young, undeniably beautiful woman. 

For what felt like hours, Suki simply stared, mouth wide open. Only the strain of her fist clutching the washing cloth brought her back to reality, and assured her that she wasn’t in fact dreaming, but very much awake, and very much looking at a spirit. Suki assumed it was a spirit, at least. It was definitely no human.

“Who are you?” is the closest thing to a coherent sentence she could muster. 

The spirit smiled. “Suki”

Her voice seemed to come from everywhere yet nowhere, but Suki was transfixed by the definite source of the voice. How did the spirit know her name? White cloth swirled around her like water as her bright blue eyes bored into her soul, and her fine features appeared edgeless from the mystical glow emanating from her entire being. She was very pretty. 

“Are you a… spirit?”

“Yes, I am the moon spirit”

“Well, hello… moon spirit. Do you- have a name?”

The words tumbling out her mouth seemed pedestrian in comparison to the booming voice emanating from the spirit: “My name is Yue. Suki, I need your help”

“Mine? Well, I’m not exactly the most… spirit-y sort of person, isn’t there anyone else you could talk to?”

“Like who?”

“Oh, you know, like the Avatar, maybe? I know him actually, great kid, very approachable”

Suki didn’t know what rode her to be so glib towards a spirit, but something about Yue's human appearance made her seem just as approachable. 

“You need to change course”

“I- what? Why?”

“To the North, straight ahead is a hidden harbour used by rebellion forces to transport refugees, just like the ones you’re escorting. They will know how to help”

“I- thank you? That’s very helpful, but- how does that help you?”

“I need you to stay behind once you’ve completed your mission. A friend needs your help”

“Your friend?”

“A mutual friend”

Suki searched her brain for a single person that both she and a spirit could call a friend. “The Avatar?”

“Yes. I need you to ensure he and his friends make their way past the Serpent’s Pass in safety”

“The Serpent’s Pass? Wouldn’t they just… fly over it on Appa?”

The spirit sighed. Was it annoyed? Do spirits get annoyed? Can spirits even have feelings?

“The Avatar and his friends will need your guidance on their journey. Can you help them?”

His friends. Again, she mentioned his friends. 

“But why me?”

“The Kyoshi Warriors were founded by an Avatar, no? Is it not in your best interests to protect them?”

“I- yes. It is. Of course I’ll help the Avatar. He’s my friend”

Again, Yue smiled. 

“Make your way towards the mountain range. You’ll find the harbour in an enclave within Full Moon Bay off the coast of East Lake. It won’t be long before the Avatar finds you.” 

And with that, in the blink of an eye, the spirit was gone. Suki blinked again, and the deceptively still water almost made her believe that she had imagined it all. And yet, the thought of the Avatar (and his friends) being in such dire straits as to elicit a spirit appearing in front of her was enough to cement her decision. The following morning, they headed North.


	3. Chapter 3

Although they voiced doubts about their leader randomly changing their plans, her fellow Kyoshi Warriors eventually complied when Suki announced they would be diverting their path - no longer following the river, but rather targeting a mountainous formation in the distance. 

But despite the seeming urgency of Yue’s message, it was weeks before they reached anything resembling civilisation, let alone a secret harbour. Suki found herself wondering if she had diverted their path for no reason at all. Maybe she hadn’t met a spirit and just hallucinated the whole thing. She was very tired after all. And they had been walking for a long time, with no end in sight. 

***

Meeting the young warrior marks a change in Yue. 

It’s as if a veil has been lifted. She no longer wanders without a purpose. She takes in her surroundings and the fellow spirits that inhabit her space. She isn’t nearly as alone as she feels. 

La especially proves a welcoming presence, offering guidance and wisdom wherever possible – which is most places.

A flash of blue, and Yue finds herself wondering aloud: “Is there a way for humans to enter the spirit world?”

La answers in the affirmative – but with the warning that a human’s corporeal body could only survive so long without their spirit. The shift in balance leads to an inevitable death. 

Yue quickly abandons the thought, and instead, her mind drifts back to the girl by the river. She wonders if she’s able to contact her again. So far, each attempt at contacting anyone else ends in nothing but disappointing flickers of a life she is no longer a part of. 

So she thinks of the girl again. 

***

This time, Suki was close to drifting off into a different world, not quite spirit, not quite human. Just as dreams were beginning to flood her mind, a distinct glow pulled her out of her sleep. 

Suki looked up. Hovering past the sleeping bodies of her companions, by the edge of the shore Yue was once more. With a flash of panic, Suki shot up and made her way for the shoreline. 

“Yue. Do you… have another message for me?”

“I- no. No, I don’t. I simply wanted to… check in?”

Suki didn’t know how to react. “Well… nothing much has happened to be honest, besides the usual, you know. Lots of walking”

Suki studied the spirit, floating in front of her in what could almost be described as an awkward stance. Again, she was struck by the humanity of it all. 

“Can I just ask… and don’t take this the wrong way, please-“

“What is it?”

Yue’s calmness was almost inhumane, but her gentle face washed away all fears Suki had about the thought of conversing with spirits. 

“You just seem very- human for a spirit”

“Is that a question?”

“If there’s an answer”

Yue hesitated but eventually answered: “I wasn’t always the moon spirit. I’m not quite sure how long it’s been since I’ve taken my place, but I know it wasn’t long ago”

“Well, when exactly did it happen? And how?”

Suki had never heard of a person turning into a spirit, but then again, she had never been a very spiritual person. She saw the irony of her situation. 

“Do you remember the night the moon turned red?”

Suki nodded. She remembered well. 

“When I was born without a spirit, the previous moon spirit Tui took it upon himself to give part of himself to let me live. The night the moon turned red, Tui was murdered during a siege on the North Pole, my home. When the time came, I returned the life that was gifted to me.”

“I had no idea”

“My father was the only person to know I was living on borrowed time. When I was a child, before even he himself knew what it meant, he had a vision of me turning into the moon spirit.” 

“And… did you know?”

Yue became quiet. Not just her voice, her entire being seemed to dim as she considered Suki’s words. 

“No. I didn’t”

“Oh. I’m sorry”

“I don’t blame him for it. It’s not exactly the easiest of conversations to have”

“Well, unfortunately the hardest conversations tend to be the most important ones”

Suki stopped herself – who was she to depart wisdom on an all-knowing spirit? But the longer she talked to Yue, the less she seemed like an omnipotent being and the more she appeared as just- a girl. She seemed about Suki’s age. They might have been friends in another life. The thought made Suki sad, but she couldn’t quite place her finger on why. 

“I’m sorry, but I’m still confused what all this has to do with me. Why did you pick me to talk to of all people?”

“To be honest, I didn’t exactly pick you. You appeared just as suddenly in front of me as I must have in front of you. I’m still in the early stages of being a spirit, I know about as much about the rules surrounding it all as you do. It’s not exactly like there’s a field guide they hand out on your first day”

“Well, maybe they should implement that”

Yue laughed. It was a small, polite giggle, but nonetheless, Suki felt proud of herself for making a spirit laugh. Who knew they even could laugh?

“Maybe it’s our common friend” Suki mused. 

“You mean the Avatar?”

The mention of the Avatar immediately brought to mind his travel companion. Suki had not expected her mind to turn to a random Watertribe boy she may have a fleeting crush on, and she felt the mention of his name bringing a blush to her face. One of the few upsides of wearing heaps of face paint on the job: no one knows when you’re embarrassed. Or have a slight crush on the person you’re talking about. Unfortunately for Suki, she had washed her face before going to bed. 

Imagine her surprise then when she saw Yue blush the same way. 

“I knew him, yes.” Yue smiled but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. 

“And his friends?”

Yue’s smile turned ever so slightly coy, but it faded as quickly as it came. 

“I tried communicating with others, like my friends, or my family, but it just never quite works. It’s hard to explain – it’s as if my mind struggles to fully assemble myself. You’re the first person I was ever able to communicate with”

Suki looked at the spirit in front of her with pity in her eyes. She couldn’t imagine what it must be like, wherever Yue was. All alone, with no one to talk to. Well, no one but Suki. She knew what that was like, she talked to herself in her head every day after all. Suki pitied her even more. 

“Well in that case… I guess I’ll have to be your messenger bird for now. Any thought you care to share, just come to me!” 

“Are you… are you sure?”

“Of course! Wouldn’t want to deny you your one connection to the outside world. I couldn’t think of a better job for a Kyoshi warrior than being the bridge between the two worlds for a kindly spirit. It’s almost like being a mini-Avatar myself!”

Again, Yue laughed. This time not out of a sense of politeness, but from genuine relief. Suki could tell that a large weight had been lifted off the spirit's shoulders when her figure shone even brighter as it did before. 

Look at me, Suki thought. Befriending a spirit.


	4. Chapter 4

Eventually, Suki and her entourage found temporary refuge in the form of a small fishing village. New supplies for their travels lifted everyone’s spirits. 

And the next full moon, as if they had arranged it, Yue appeared again. But this time, just to chat. Suki sat by the river, dangling her feet off the pier while Yue hovered softly above the edge of the water. It wasn’t long before the topic of the Avatar, and his friends, arose again. 

“Are we talking about the same Sokka? Watertribe, kinda lanky, a bit chauvinistic, but in a forgivable way?”

“I wouldn’t know about the last part, but sounds like the same Sokka to me”

“Well, I probably beat that part out of him before you met him”

“I supposed I’ll have to thank you for that, then”

They both laughed. It was apparent that both girls had gone long since they were able to be just that – two girls, talking, laughing, sharing stories. It was refreshing. The quick familiarity that had formed between the two gave Suki the courage to finally bridge a topic that had been burning on her mind. 

“When you say you’ve been trying to contact other people… is there anyone in particular you want to talk to? Like, I don’t know, a boyfriend, or a-“ Suki stopped herself. 

“There were… people”

“Plural?” Suki didn’t address the ambiguity of her choice of words. 

“I was engaged to be married when I- well, you know”

“You were? I mean, I don’t know if it’s the spirit-y glow taking off some years, but you look a bit young to be getting married”

“Maybe to you, but sixteen is a perfectly normal age for a princess to be getting married”

She had assumed that Yue was at least a young adult, so Suki was taken aback by the fact that she had been the exact same age as her when her fate befell her. 

“A princess? Wow, so you always were a big deal, huh?”

Yue laughed: “My titles always seemed more decorative than anything”

Suki laughed along, but more out of relief that her suspicions regarding Sokka and the moon sprit had been laid to rest. 

“It was an arranged marriage. We were both aware that it was a match of convenience – my family had been ruling the North for almost a century, and his family owned large plots of land in the northern Earth Kingdom. It was vital to secure resources for my people. It felt more as if my tribe was getting married than me, to be honest”

Suki thought that Yue sounded like she was reciting a script and that she had little actual belief in what she was saying. 

“You know, it’s stupid, but for a second there I thought you and Sokka may have- you know, cause you mentioned him -“

Once again, a suspicious blush crept across Yue’s cheeks. 

“Well, you’re not quite wrong…”

Suki’s stomach dropped – so her suspicions were right after all. She knew it was odd for a spirit to be this involved in the Avatar’s life. 

“I’m not sure what to call it – not much happened between me and Sokka, but what did happen was… very special to me. I know I was being selfish, but I just couldn’t waste the one opportunity to feel like… just a teenager, you know? Even though we only got a few days together, I’m thankful for the time I got to spend with Sokka. I’m just sorry it ended the way it did…"

Suki didn’t look at Yue as she spoke, instead focusing her eyes on their reflection in the water below. “I can see why you asked for my help now”

“I’m sorry, I should have told you sooner”

For once Suki fully agreed with the spirit, but still she said: “No, I see why you didn’t want to tell me it’s… kind of personal. But I get it, he’s a great guy”

Yue blushed once more. 

“He really is…” 

Yue's admission had clearly made her just as uncomfortable as it had made Suki. 

“I should go. Take good care, will you?”

“Of him or myself?”

“Both” Yue smiled as she ascended back to the heavens. 

***

From then on, Suki couldn’t get her mind off either Sokka or Yue. 

How much did Yue know, really? Did she see things from up there? All the time, or only when the moon was out? And if she did… how much did she see? And was Suki supposed to feel guilty? 

But for what? Sokka never once mentioned anything about a moon spirit ex, how serious could they have been? On the other hand, he may not have mentioned it because, well… what if he still had feelings for her? Their break-up, if it can even be called that, must have been very abrupt, to say the least, so it would only make sense… 

It was around this time when Suki decided she was decidedly less delighted by Yue’s presence and began to question the spirit's motives. Had she appeared to Suki because she was the right woman for the job, or had she targeted her for a different reason?

That slight annoyance had turned into flat out disdain for the moon spirit by the time Suki and her entourage had found themselves at the end of their journey. Suki almost wished that now that she fulfilled Yue’s wishes, things would return to normal again. She had enjoyed the occasional chat with the spirit, but she didn’t exactly imagine living out the rest of her life spending sleepless nights chatting to the moon. 

No matter Yue’s intentions, Suki felt much better about the prospect of spending some time at the hidden harbour once she and the Kyoshi warriors were recruited as support staff to help the refugees passing through. She felt decidedly less happy about the silly little uniforms the warden had put her in. Not a smudge of face paint allowed. 

Besides that, chasing down refugees too poor to afford their fare quickly became monotonous and she again began to doubt the moon spirit’s intentions - until one day one fare dodger in particular caught her eye. A familiar lanky frame in even more familiar Watertribe-style clothing. Finally, she thought. 

“Tickets and passports please!”

The boy turned, and the slightest bit of doubt she had about his identity slipped away- it really was Sokka! “Is there a problem?” And he didn’t recognize her. Time to have some fun.

“Yeah, I got a problem with you! I've seen your type before. Probably sarcastic, think you're hilarious and let me guess, you're travelling with the Avatar?”

“Do I know you?”

Penny in the air. 

“You mean you don't remember? Maybe you'll remember this!”

Suki planted a kiss on the boy’s cheeks, just as she had done what seems like a lifetime ago, and the penny finally dropped. 

“Suki!” His gangly arms flew up in the air and pulled her into a hug. 

“Sokka, it's good to see you”

***

Suki didn’t know why, but she couldn’t help but wonder what Yue would say to Sokka. Definitely not what comes out of her mouth now. “And look at you, sleeveless guy. Been working out?”

She almost regretted paying him the compliment as Sokka’s entire posture changed, and he smugly loosened his shoulders for his seemingly inevitable upcoming work-out session. “Ah, I'll grab a tree branch and do a few chin touches every now and then. Nothing major.”

Before she could retort, Aang interrupted their cheerful banter: “Are the other Kyoshi Warriors around?”

“Yeah. After you left Kyoshi, we wanted to find a way to help people. We ended up escorting some refugees and we've been here ever since.”

Momo jumping up on the railing gave her a welcome excuse to not elaborate on the true reasoning behind her whereabouts. She reached out to scratch him behind his comically large ears. “Hi, Momo! Good to see you too!”

The furry friend’s appearance reminded her of the clear absence of another animal companion. “So why are you guys getting tickets for the ferry? Wouldn't you just fly across on Appa?”

An awkward silence fell over the group. Suki suspected nothing good, and Katara confirmed her fears: “Appa is missing. We hope to find him in Ba Sing Se.”

So that must be it, she thought. They do need help.

“I'm so sorry to hear that. Are you doing okay?” She looked at Aang, who reacted uncharacteristically harsh: “I'm doing fine! Would everybody stop worrying about me?”

The would-be awkward moment was interrupted by an alarmed voice from beyond the railing. 

“Avatar Aang, you have to help us! Someone took all of our belongings - our passports, our tickets, everything's gone!”

***

Seeing Sokka again was like a breath of fresh air in what had become a surprisingly boring life, considering the war that was going on. She knew her work escorting refugees across the Earth Kingdom was important, but it certainly wasn’t what she had trained for the last 12 years of her life. So there was no question in her mind that she would be escorting the Avatar and his friends across the treacherous Serpent’s Pass. The appearance of the moon spirit had no say in her decision. 

“I'm coming too!”

Sokka and the rest turned. His face was decidedly less happy than Suki had wanted it to be. 

“Are you sure that's a good idea?”

“Sokka, I thought you'd want me to come” A snide comment to hide the pain, she learned this trick from the best. 

“I do, it's just–“

“Just what?”

“Nothing. I'm glad you're coming”

She didn’t quite believe him, but her decision was made. Albeit not completely by her.


	5. Chapter 5

As she had expected, Suki couldn’t sleep that first night on the Serpent’s Pass. She and Sokka had had no chance to talk, and the full moon was edging ever higher in the sky. A combination of her sense of duty and the general uneasiness of her surroundings – loud-mouthed Watertribe boy included – made for an unrelaxed evening. She managed to steal a quiet moment through the excuse of scouting the first bit of their upcoming path for the next morning. 

Yue seemed to shine especially bright tonight, as if battling against the mass of black clouds shrouding her. Not one to be outshone, Suki thought, just as a familiar glow brightened the dull rock formation Suki stood on. She hadn’t expected the spirit to show herself again so soon. 

“Yue! What are you doing here?”

The slight annoyance in Suki’s tone wasn’t lost on Yue, whose expression turned ever so slightly sour. Her posture straightened, and her voice sounded very official as she said: “I wanted to thank you, for protecting the Avatar. And Sokka. I’m aware that I’m asking a lot of you. I just- I couldn’t forgive myself if he got hurt after all he’s been through”

Now Suki’s face soured. She didn’t like the implication that she was looking out for Sokka for Yue’s sake. 

“No need for thanks. He’s a big boy, you know, he can take care of himself”

“I know. But you and I both know he needs a little help sometimes”

Again, the implied intimacy between Yue and Sokka pulled a particular nasty muscle in Suki’s stomach. With barely restrained sarcasm in her voice, she said: “Well, why don’t I give him a message from you? I’m sure he’d love to hear from you again.” Yue’s face fell, and Suki felt a sudden need to soften the blow: “You know, just so he knows you’re okay and all…”

“No, I- I don’t want to talk to him”

“Oh? I’m guessing you guys didn’t end it on good terms?”

“That’s not it. I-“ Yue appeared a lot smaller as she considered her former life. “I feel responsible for him because I feel like- well, I just fear that I might have pulled him into something much bigger than him, and he- he got hurt for it. I don’t want to intrude on his life more than I already did”

“I’m sure he doesn’t think of you as an intruder, Yue”

What was this? Her comforting the moon spirit to get over her hopefully boyfriend-to-be? Not the way she thought this would go. 

“Nonetheless, I don’t think it’s right for him to know that I can communicate with humans. Especially since I’m not even sure I could even directly talk to him. I don’t want him to linger on what might’ve been and miss out on what’s right in front of him. I gave my life so that people could live – that includes him.”

“I guess that makes sense.”

“Please, you have to promise me, Suki, no matter what he says – do not mention this to him. He can’t know”

“I know… I promise”

And Suki knew she meant it. She would never tell Sokka about her interpersonal relationship with the moon spirit. But later, as she saw him standing alone that night, gazing up at the moon, she had the nagging feeling that she was doing it for all the wrong reasons. 

“It's a beautiful moon” Not the best opener, she thought to herself, not a lie though.

He didn’t even look at her as he replied: “Yeah, it really is.”

It’s now or never, Suki. She took a deep breath as she sat down next to him. 

“Look, I know you're just trying to help, but I can take care of myself.”

“I know you can.”

“Then why are you acting so overprotective?”

She had a theory as to why of course. But she wanted to hear it from him. Perhaps Yue had exaggerated some details, maybe-

“It's so hard to lose someone you care about. Something happened at the North Pole and I couldn't protect someone.” - jealousy and guilt shot through Suki’s chest - “I don't want anything like that to ever happen again.”

The jealousy won over as she opened her mouth: “I lost someone I care about. He didn't die, he just went away. I only had a few days to get to know him, but he was smart and brave and funny…”

The heavy feeling in her chest lifted as Sokka shot up, the jealousy she felt just a second ago now reflected in his face. 

“Who is this guy? Is he taller than me?”

“No, he's about your height.”

“Is he better-looking?”

Suki rose too now, less to emphasize what she was saying but rather to get on eye-level with Sokka, and to get out of the eye line of a certain lunar rock staring down on her. She really hoped Yue wasn’t watching now. 

“It is you, stupid!”

“Oh!”

Nervous smiles. Suki closed her eyes, and she swore she could feel the light of the moon burning onto her right side like scorching sun rays. She pushed the thought away, anticipating lips meeting hers – but they never came. 

“I can't”

Her eyes opened to Sokka turning his face away from hers. 

“I'm sorry.” Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Right in front of the moon, really, Suki?

“No, you shouldn't be.”

But she was. Only as she watched him walk away, she wasn’t quite sure who she should be apologizing to.

***

The rest of their journey across the Serpent’s Pass, Suki was functioning like a well-oiled machine. Dodge this, attack that, under no circumstance think about the moon, or things said under the moon, or Sokka choosing the moon over her. The moon? Really? 

She hardly believed she made it when they reached the end of the pass. Now all she had to do was apologize to Sokka, and be on her merry way: “Sokka, it's been really great to see you again.”

“Whoa, hold on. Why does it sound like you're saying goodbye?”

Did he think-? No. He wouldn’t want her to join them. She couldn’t, with the Kyoshi Warriors and all… Her destiny lay elsewhere. She just didn’t know where just yet. 

“I came along because I wanted to make sure you got through the Serpent's Pass safely. But now I need to get back to the other Kyoshi Warriors.”

“So you came along to protect me?”

Suki smiled at the astounded sound of Sokka’s voice. He really was as clueless as he pretended to be. 

“Listen, I'm really sorry about last night. We were talking ... and saying things ... and I just got carried away and before I knew it–“

And indeed, before she knew it, Sokka had pressed his lips against hers and placed his hands on her waist. 

“You talk too much.”

It was as if all the air was punched out of her lungs - Suki was suddenly very aware of her entire body. As she leaned into the kiss, she was glad that she apologized. Sometimes the hardest conversations are the most important ones, after all. 

***

Suki rejoined the Kyoshi Warriors, and life seemed to return to normal. Well, as normal as it could be. But each night, as the moon shone down on her, she dreaded the next full moon. She couldn’t help but think that she had offended Yue somehow. 

Well, if she had, Yue had no place to be offended! It was her after all who said she wanted Sokka to keep living his life. Sure, she couldn’t have guessed that that included Suki kissing her ex-boyfriend right in front of her, but it’s not like Suki could have exactly moved out of the moon’s view. Expect she surely could have. But she didn’t. Why didn’t she? 

Of course she knew why, she was jealous. But what was she jealous of? It’s not like Yue was here. What was she afraid of, that the guy she liked might ditch her to spend the rest of his life staring up at the moon like a dope? The way I am right now?

She didn’t want to admit it to herself, but more often than not her mind wandered to the ethereal girl in the sky. Was she watching her now? Did she even care to? She wondered if it was some sort of spirit-related madness, that maybe Yue had cast some ghostly spell on her that would inevitably lead to her doom. 

***

Suki is the best thing to happen to Yue. Or rather to Sokka. Yue knows that he likes Suki, and she knows the feeling is mutual. She’s glad that Sokka isn’t alone, and yet- 

She can’t get rid of the very human jealousy she feels at each tender moment between the two. 

She wants Sokka to live. She wants him to be happy. She wishes the same for Suki, she has grown fond of the young warrior.

And although time seems an arbitrary thing to her now, she does note that he had gotten over her a lot quicker than she expected. 

But it’s no matter to her now – she’s here, he’s not. That is how it is, and that is how it will be. 

And with that, her thoughts drift to another being. She feels it before she sees it. A strong presence, a warrior, though one couldn’t tell by looking at them. Their biggest weakness the love and affection for their loved ones. Always carrying them on their back, never being carried. And she feels their fear. 

Appa was in danger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> say it with me kids !!Appa and Suki Are Character Foils!!


	6. Chapter 6

Suki didn’t have to wait until the next full moon to see Yue again. 

Following Suki’s return from the Serpent’s Pass they had unanimously agreed to leave the harbour. Again donning their traditional Kyoshi Warrior garb, they had begun moving towards colony territory where their help might be more sorely needed. 

She didn’t know what exactly had woken her, or if it was spiritual intervention that pried her eyelids open that night, but it didn’t take long for Suki to recognize the faint glow in the distance between the trees. 

Without a second thought she jumped up and moved towards Yue, but she knew something was wrong – there was no full moon, and Yue seemed not quite as there as she usually was. Her back remained turned even as Suki approached, and she didn’t say a word. Instead, she simply moved and Suki followed. 

She followed her deeper and deeper into the unknown forest until Yue stopped atop a landing. Suki stopped as well. She didn’t dare come closer, or even follow her up the landing – Yue’s silence had instilled a fear in her she hadn’t yet felt around the spirit. 

She looked around her. Yue’s light illuminated the passage, which largely consisted of small bushes dotted with smaller red berries. An apple tree here and there. Some bushes seemed almost deflated, but in the faint light, Suki couldn’t make out if it had been through force or whim of nature. 

And then Yue was gone as quickly as she had appeared, and took all her light along with her. Suki felt pretty dumb standing in the middle of a forest, in the middle of the night. Alone. 

As she begrudgingly made her way back to camp, she made a silent vow to have a serious word with the spirit next time she saw her. If she saw her again. Yue didn’t seem to be on speaking terms with her. 

***

The next morning the Kyoshi Warriors set out to pick the berries the spirit had so helpfully pointed Suki towards. She hadn’t been able to take her mind off of Yue’s sudden appearance. Although Suki was thankful for the opportunity to replenish their provisions, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she had missed something. She doubted that Yue would take time out of her busy spirit-schedule just to show Suki her secret berry-picking spot. 

“Must have been some fight.”

Suki couldn’t help but notice the slight tone in her friend’s voice. Her fellow warriors hadn’t been quite as sly as they thought regarding their hushed comments about the uncharacteristically sudden changes of plan Suki had thrown their way lately. But all that was forgotten when Suki's eyes fell on the clump of white in her hand. 

“Wait, let me see that!”

She grabbed what she now clearly recognized as fur. And not just any kind… 

“No, it couldn't be…”

***

But it was. As she had suspected, the Avatar’s loyal companion had somehow found himself cowering in a manmade cave in the middle of nowhere. Beaten and bruised, Appa recoiled from the stranger approaching him. Suki stopped in her tracks and knelt before the frightened beast, dropping a sorry assembly of berries and a single apple on the ground in front of her. “It's gonna be okay, Appa”

Without much eye contact, as to not startle the poor thing, she slowly got up again and retreated once more. “I have to leave, but I'm gonna be back soon with help”

When she returned with her friends in tow, she warned them: “No sudden movements. He's been lost for a while and he looks like he's hurt” She couldn't quite imagine how anyone managed to, or ever wanted to, hurt Appa, but someone had clearly succeeded. “He's shy around people and scared. Stay low and stay quiet.”

“I can't believe you found the Avatar's bison. Didn't you just see the Avatar a few days ago?”

Indeed, Appa had only just missed his usual companions, who were probably already in Ba Sing Se at this point. 

“Yes, so he can't be too far from here. It's our responsibility to get Appa back to him safely. This could be our most important mission yet”

Appa roared as the Kyoshi Warriors bent their necks to get a look at the strange beast. 

“Give him some space!” Suki took a tentative step forward as the others stepped back. “Appa, it's me, Suki. I'm a friend”

Appa growled as she slowly crept closer. “I want to help you. You're hurt. We can help you feel better”

Another growl, less confident this time. 

“And we can help you find Aang”

Suki was unsure if she was imagining it, but Appa's face seemed to light up at the mention the Avatar’s name. She reached him at last, and he allowed her to place a steady open hand on his giant wet nose. It was as if the gentle touch released all the tension in his body as they both sank to the ground. 

As Suki and her friends pulled out what Suki had assumed were arrows, but were actually some sort of animal’s quills, Appa's relaxed posture tensed once more and his head turned towards the woods. He growled as three mongoose lizards carrying three girls on their backs stepped out of the trees. They were dressed in what was clearly recognizable as Fire Nation garb, and quite expensive one by the looks of it. 

“My, my, you're easy to find. It's really astounding my brother hasn't captured you yet”, spoke one of the girls, holding up Appa’s familiar shedding. 

Suki didn’t recognize either of them, but she trusted Appa’s judgement. She and the other girls huddled around him in formation, drawing their fans. If there would be a fight, they’d be ready. “What do you want with us?”

“Who are you? The Avatar's fangirls?”, snarled the girl. She definitely wasn’t a friend. The one to her right piped up: “Oh, I get it. Good one, Azula”

Suck-Up, thought Suki, but what she said was: “If you're looking for the Avatar, you're out of luck”

“I knew this was a waste of time”, sighs the girl to the left. Quite the colourful assembly, Suki thought. Too bad they’re probably here to kill us. 

“No Avatar, huh. Well, that's okay. Any friend of the Avatar is an enemy of mine!” 

And with this, the girl in the middle, clearly the leader of the moody trio, jumped off the lizard and kicked a blast of fire their way. As one, the Kyoshi warriors moved to form a shield protecting Appa from the flames. 

Things suddenly moved fast as fighters mobilized, fans flew alongside flames, and Suki watched in terror as the seemingly harmless teenage girls took down her skilled team one by one. Served her right, for falling to the same prejudices that people had towards them. 

One by one her friends fell at the hand of the Fire Nation girls - while one’s choice of weapons was clearly knives, the other took out warrior after warrior with what seemed like the slightest of punches. 

Their leader was moving towards Suki now. She quickly drew her shield to once again deflect the flames coming at her and Appa, promptly setting the forest alight. Before she knew it, they were surrounded by flames. Appa was rightfully panicked. So was Suki. 

“Afraid of fire, I see. That's good. You should be!”

Suki drew her sword. “Go, Appa! Fly away from here!”

They charged at each other, but the fire nation girl quickly won the upper hand, swiftly kicking Suki’s sword out of her hand. Another blast of fire was just barely stopped from reaching her face by her trusty shield. She tried to get a strike in, but another onslaught of flames rendered her helpless. 

A rogue fan propelled at her enemy’s head gave Suki enough time to regain control. The girl redirecting her rage at her fellow warrior gave Suki a moment to spot what she had expected to be the faint shape of a retreating sky bison in the sky. But Appa didn’t fly away. Not a hint of self-preservation in sight, the bison charged towards the fight. But Suki had come so far, she wouldn’t fail the Avatar now. 

Stupid loyal animal, she thought. Think of yourself for once. 

“Get out of here! You have to find Aang! We'll be okay!”

Suki grabbed a nearby branch that had caught fire, and waved it as close to the flying bison as she could reach. The frightened roar hurt her more than any punch could, but it worked. 

“Don't you know fans just make flames stronger?” 

She had no time to spare for Appa as another blast of bright blue flames hit her shield. Suki was thrown back but stood her ground. She took a deep breath. Everything will be okay, I’m not alone.


	7. Chapter 7

But then Suki was alone. Separating her from the other Kyoshi Warriors was the best punishment the Fire Nation could have set on her. 

During her first days at Boiling Rock, Suki meticulously assessed her surroundings, trying to come up with a way – any way – to get off the island. But each crack she spotted was in broad sight, any weak point heavily guarded. With each abandoned plan her hope continued to dwindle - nobody would be able to break out (or in, to save her) anytime soon. 

Suki clung to the knowledge that at least one ally would not be held back by the seemingly uncrossable hellscape surrounding her. Each night the beams of moonlight shining through her prison bars solidified the knowledge that she wasn’t completely alone after all. 

But then the first full moon behind bars arrived, and Yue didn’t appear.

The quiet composure Suki had built around the flicker of hope that remained came crashing down around her, and she resigned herself to her solitary existence. Living only to sleep, wander, work, rinse and repeat. Sometimes a fight reached a point where all one could do was surrender. 

***

Yue feels responsible for the situation Suki is in. No matter how she twists it, she can’t deny the fact that if it wasn’t for her, Suki would have been spared many hardships - her imprisonment only being the latest one, but surely not the last if she continues as she did. 

So she decides to test the waters of loneliness, and at least try and assimilate with what had undeniably become her home.

She takes in her surroundings, discovering a beautiful landscape more colourful and diverse than she could ever have imagined growing up surrounded by ice and snow. 

She wanders the spirit wilds - befriending kind spirits, sharing stories, attending never-ending feasts that didn’t fatten them - and slowly but surely, she feels at ease with her reality. 

Until a flash of unnatural lightning strikes the very top of what Yue knows to be Hai-Riyo Peak. 

She knows which parts of her new home to avoid, and this is one of them. It mostly harbours twisted spirits but this time a very familiar person, very much not-spirit, finds himself stranded where the lighting had hit. 

Aang looks especially small as he sits all huddled, clutching his ears as if bracing for impact. “What happened? Where am I?”

The sight of the moon spirit descending towards him seems to do little in calming his fears. 

“You are in the Spirit World”

Nonetheless, Aang sports his usual smile as his eyes meet hers. “Princess Yue!”

Her former title stirs a withered part in her, and again she feels the sad comfort of hearing a human’s voice. “Aang, your Avatar Spirit has been injured. If you don't act fast, you will lose your connection to your past lives and the Avatar Cycle will end. You must find your previous four past lives and reconnect with them.”

She‘s unsure sure how she knows this – it’s as if the recent acceptance of her existence as a spirit had forged some new connection to the very fabric making up the spirit world. It was as if questions ceased to be – there was only knowledge to access. 

“How do I do that?”

“You will find them here, in the Spirit World. But be careful of Koh”

As if on cue Aang’s face relaxes into a blank mask. He seems familiar with the Face Stealer. 

“Be careful about what spirits you talk to. Some will help you, but others work for Koh, and they will trick you. Good luck, Aang”

And like that, the young Avatar disappears into the spirit wilds, and Yue is alone once more. 

Aang’s visit only heightens the guilt she feels around appearing to Suki. How is she supposed to justify bothering her any longer now that she has seemingly forged a connection to the physical world once more? 

And yet, she can’t shake the image of Suki sitting alone in that prison cell, eyes transfixed to the sliver of sky that is visible past the bars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when i SAY this is canon compliant don't think I'm excluding the tie in online game that takes place between season 2 and season 3


	8. Chapter 8

Suki had all but given up on ever seeing Yue again. She had fulfilled her purpose and was no longer needed. 

Until one quiet night, her hope returned once again with the familiar glow of the moon spirit appearing before her. 

“Yue, where have you been? Are you in trouble?”

Yue couldn’t help but laugh. There Suki was, stuck in prison, yet she was the one worried for Yue’s safety. 

“I’m okay, Suki. I’m sorry I couldn’t find you sooner. Time doesn’t work as it does in the physical world, I wasn’t quite sure where you were”

Yue had little trust that her vague excuse would work, but Suki was too happy to see her to even question it. “It doesn’t matter. You’re here now”

They spoke in hushed voices, so as not to arouse any suspicion. Yue’s ghostly whispers seemed to appear from within Suki’s head, words only for her to hear. If someone were to pass Suki’s cell, they might believe she was muttering to herself.

“So still no luck contacting anyone besides myself?”

Yue felt like she’d been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. But there’s no way Suki would know, and for the first time, Yue caught herself flat out lying to her friend. 

“No, still no luck”

Suki allowed herself at least one passive-aggressive hint at her true feelings. “Well if there’s no one else keeping you, you could definitely stand to visit more often… Pretty boring in here with no one to talk to, you know”

“You’re right, I’m sorry. You must be lonely here.”

“You must be lonely, too.”

Yue wasn’t lonely in the least, of course. Not a day seemed to pass that she didn’t meet a new spirit, some of them friends, some of them not, some inbetween the two. But she had already lied once, so she comfortably left Suki in the belief that she was just as confined to her solitude as she was. 

“Well… until someone else comes along, we can be lonely together. If that’s okay with you, of course”, Suki whispered. 

Another warm smile beamed down on her. “I’d like that very much”

Suki couldn’t stay mad at Yue for long. She didn't blame her for where she’d ended up, not even a little bit. Whatever she did, she did it to ensure the Avatar and his friends could journey on in safety, and she had accomplished that to the best of her abilities. Even if it meant giving up her own freedom in return. She knew what she was doing. 

“Suki”, Yue’s serious tone drew Suki’s eyes to hers. “I promise you, as long as the moon is in the sky, you’ll never be alone again. I’ll make it my personal mission as the moon spirit to ensure there’s always someone by your side. Spirit or human.”

Yue sounded uncharacteristically otherworldly, her words emanating a power that only a spirit could promise, and yet they were tinged by a genuine human concern for her equally human friend. 

“I promise” Yue said again. 

Suki knew it was only because Yue felt sorry for her, or perhaps because part of her must be blaming herself for Suki’s sorry state. But no matter the intention behind it, it was a welcome lifeline Suki was more than ready to grasp for. 

“Thank you, Yue”

Yue smiled at her, a familiar sight by now. “What are friends for?”

***

And they once more fell into the familiar pattern of two friends making the world around them disappear behind shared stories and jokes. Not much had changed between them, despite the fact that this time Yue was the one offering comfort to Suki rather than the other way around. 

“I keep thinking about the other Kyoshi Warriors. If it wasn’t for me, we wouldn’t have been captured and separated-“

Yue wanted to correct her, but she also didn’t want to interrupt Suki finally getting things off her chest. Suki rarely spoke of herself. 

“-It’s frustrating knowing that there’s nothing for me to do in stopping the war. Especially so soon after we finally started putting our skills to good use, you know? I want to fight more, but I can’t”

“Your time to fight will come before you know it, Suki”

For the first time, Suki wondered about the extent of her spirit friend’s wisdom. 

“How much do you know? About the future, I mean. Do you know what will happen to me? To all of us?”

Yue didn’t seem to know how to answer. 

“It’s not so much a question of what I know, but more of what others want me to know… you know? It’s hard to explain”

“Well, either way, it wouldn’t hurt to get a little hint every once in a while" Suki recognized the unfairness of her words the second they left her mouth. “I’m sorry. It’s not fair of me to expect you to tell me about the future. I can’t imagine what it must be like - knowing all those things, with no one to tell them to, and you can’t do anything but watch… I would probably go crazy” 

“It’s okay. I understand why you're frustrated. I wish I could tell you, but-“

“You don’t have to, really. It’s fine. We can just talk about other things”

“I promise, it will all be ok”

“I know. I’ll be fine, I know it. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable when we talk, is all. You know, if it wasn’t for you, I’d probably lose my mind in here”

Suki didn’t expect Yue’s face to turn very serious at her comment. 

“You can’t put all your hope into me, Suki. I’m just one person”

“Spirit” Suki corrected her promptly. “And I could say the same to you, you know”

Yue looked hurt. Suki didn’t like the accusatory direction their conversation had taken and quickly tried to change topics. 

“Besides, I don’t put all my hope into you. I’m sure Sokka’s already outside, digging an underwater tunnel as we speak”

Yue laughed, glad that she hadn’t hurt her friend’s feelings enough for her to stay serious too long. Suki smiled. 

“Don’t worry. I know you don’t want to know but… You’re right to be hopeful. This isn’t the end Suki. Far from it”

“I know, I know… like I said, no need to go into detail- Yue?”

Yue seemed to suddenly look right through her – she seemed far away. A terror spread across her face and the cloth adorning her became more animated by the second. Something was wrong. 

“What is it, Yue, did something happen?”

“I- what? I’m sorry, I- I have to go. I don’t have time to explain-“

And before she could respond, Suki was on her own again. 

***

"I don't know..." 

No flash of recognition, only a dumbfounded face as Yue descended upon her friend in need. He must not remember, she thought to herself. 

“You already saved the world. And you'll save the world again, but you can't give up”

She looked down at the young Avatar, pitying him in his lack of knowledge of just how close he had come to fulfilling his destiny. With joy, she saw her words taking effect as she calmed the storm around them. 

“You're right. I won't give up”

As she watched the boy disappear into the distance again, Yue hated herself for thinking that, even though the Avatar had been in clear need of spiritual guidance, she had rather spent the rest of the full moon in a prison cell.


	9. Chapter 9

Maybe it was their lack of privacy or the sorry sight of a withering Suki in her cell, but Yue’s visits came more sporadically again. She didn’t show two full moons in a row when once again, she illuminated the inhumanely small space Suki called her own.

“Yue!”

Suki could barely believe it – Yue had barged in (or as barging as she could be, being a floating spirit and all) - no hello, no how are you, and the first thing she asked was a favour: “Suki, I need you to do something. For Sokka”

Suki’s heart skipped a beat at the mention of his name. They rarely spoke of Sokka. Both of them usually avoided the topic in fear of making the other uncomfortable. 

“I need you to get to the middle of-“

Somehow, the fact that Yue had only returned for her to talk about the boy added insult to injury. It was as if a single drop had finally made the vat of her emotions spill over, and she felt rage bubbling up her throat, but out came only words. Her usual whisper turned to a restrained half-yell. 

“I’m sorry, but can we go back for a second? You don’t appear for weeks, and then you just show up, tell me what to do, as usual, may I add, and just expect me to do it, no questions asked? I don’t know how it works in the spirit world, but where I’m from, friends don’t just disappear for no reason and expect you to pick up right where you left off when it’s convenient for them!”

“Suki, I-“

“No! I’m talking now! I have been through so much. All because you told me to. It’s always Sokka this, the Avatar that, well what about me? I’m stuck here, with no way out, and I’m so alone, and I’m helpless, Yue. I don’t know what to do on my own, I need someone by my side. And for better or for worse, the only person who can be that for me right now is you. I was there for you when you needed me, well, I need you now, so where are you?” 

“You don’t understand, Suki“ Yue sighed. “I’m not human anymore. I’m a spirit. I don’t belong in this world anymore, I can’t keep- “

“You can’t keep what?”

The lone implication of Yue breaking off communication for good made hot searing panic rise up from Suki’s guts. She had fully resigned her sanity to Yue’s presence, her omniscience proving oddly comforting – no matter where Suki was, Yue would find her. She had promised, after all. She couldn’t stand the thought of losing that now. Losing her. As silly as it sounded, the moon spirit was her friend. Her only friend, for the time being. 

“I can’t keep meddling in affairs that don’t concern me”

“Then why are you here?”

The sentence came out more harshly than Suki had intended to, and Yue flinched at her tone. Both girls were quiet for a second. 

“You’re right. I’m sorry, I- “

“No-“ It’s as if Suki had only just managed to process the words that had escaped her own mouth. “I’m sorry. I’m just- I’m stressed, with the whole-“

“-being stuck in a high-security prison because a random spirit decided to make herself your problem?” Yue’s words were severely softened by the forgiving tone of her voice. 

Suki sighed in relief and instead of stuttering out another apology she settled for a weak smile. 

“Just promise me you’ll stay in the courtyard tomorrow until midday”

“The courtyard? Is that it?”

“Until midday, do not move from there”

“I mean, I don’t know where else I would go, so… okay?”

Yue smiled tentatively. 

“Just wait, you’ll be glad you did. Please, trust me”

Suki sighed. “I trust you, Yue. Should be easy enough. Of course I’ll do it.”

Again, the words flowed out of Suki’s mouth before she could even decide if she meant them. Did she trust the spirit? So far, she hadn’t harmed her – besides landing her in jail, that is. She just wasn’t quite sure if Yue always had Suki’s best interests in mind, or rather someone else’s. 

***

Nonetheless, Suki planted herself on a rock in the middle of the prison courtyard, starting the second she was allowed out her cell. After all, a spirit told her to do it. 

Suki sat in the courtyard, waiting for something, anything to happen. But nothing exciting happened, no familiar face stood out from the crowd. Burly men working out, scrawny men playing cards, guards ogling at her from the railing - not a single thing out of the ordinary. 

“Prisoners, back in your cells!”

The ring of the bell forced Suki to admit to herself that maybe Yue wasn’t quite as all-knowing as either of them thought she was. After all, there’s only so much you can know of worldly goings-on while dwelling in the spirit world. She rose and slowly made her way back to her cell. 

***

Minutes once again passed like hours while she stared at the ceiling, waiting for night to come and a familiar glow to settle over her cell like a comforting blanket. But before any of that could happen, the opening of her cell door pulled her out of her trance-like state.

"What is it? Did I do something wrong?”, she snarled at the scrawny prison guard entering her cell. 

He crossed his arms. “You mean you don't recognize me?”

Suki didn't show a sign of the white-hot panic spreading through her body. She couldn’t imagine a single good reason why a male guard would sneak into her cell under the cover of night. As before every battle, time seemed to come to a halt, and she became overly aware of her surroundings, tensing every muscle in her body. 

“You people all look the same to me.” she managed to spit out. 

“Oh? Then maybe you'll recognize this!”

The guard made his way towards Suki, lips first, and all doubt surrounding the imminent assault flowed away – within a second, she planted her hand across his mouth and violently shoved him into the wall behind him with each bit of strength she could muster in her weakened state. Which, despite her prison diet, was still a lot, judging from the way the guard hit the wall. The air got knocked out his lungs and he slumped forward, losing his comically large helmet in the process. As the metallic clang of it meeting the floor rang out, Suki looked at the guard’s face, and-

“Sokka!” As if a switch had been turned, Suki knew nothing but joy. “It's you!”

She jumped up and into his arms, and after a second of composure he reciprocated the embrace. She rested her weary head on his skinny shoulders as both released a deep sigh of relief. Suki didn’t stop the tears welling up in her eyes. After what felt like an eternity, she helped him up from the floor, not letting go of him for a second. 

He was straight to business, of course: “The other Kyoshi Warriors, are they here?”

Suki ignored the sudden guilt at the mention of her friends. “No. I don't know where they are. They locked me in here because I'm the leader”

He placed a steady hand on her cheek. “Well, you won't be here for long. I'm busting you out.”

Suki hadn’t realized how starved for touch she had been, and instinctively reached for his hand. 

“I'm so glad to see you, Sokka” For a second she closed her eyes, allowing herself to enjoy the warmth. “I knew you'd come”

Or rather, Yue knew. She really needed to have a conversation with her about all that secrecy. She was certain Sokka could’ve done without the misunderstanding. 

Without thinking, Suki pulled Sokka into a kiss. This time, she felt nothing but relief, clinging to him like a piece of driftwood in the open ocean. A sudden rap at the door made them jump apart. Sokka moved the latch at the door to find the source.

“Excuse me. I need to get into that cell.” Suki recognized the female guard’s voice, but couldn’t connect it to a face. She wasn’t lying when she said that they all looked the same to her. Their helmets disguised most defining features. 

A raspy, strangely familiar voice replied: “No, you can't go in there!” A beat, clearly whoever was talking was thinking hard- “The lights are out. The prisoner could sneak up on you.” And was a really bad liar. 

The guard was equally unimpressed: “Step aside, fool. - Hey, hey, what are you doing?” 

Suki heard the sound of a close scuffle, then a sudden thud. Sokka rose from where he and Suki had cowered down and again pressed his face against the latch, assessing his chances. He seemed to deem it safe enough, and without another look at Suki, he put on his helmet and opened the door. He slipped out, and she was alone again. 

She heard more commotion as Sokka quietly shut the jail door behind him. For a second Suki believed Sokka might have actually gotten away without being noticed, but then - “Guard, help! I think he's an impostor! Arrest him!”

This doesn’t bode well, Suki thought to herself.


	10. Chapter 10

When Suki found herself mopping floors with the prince of the Fire Nation, she couldn't help but be at least the slightest bit amused by the irony of her situation. After what seemed like hours of cleaning in silence, Sokka found them. “Oh, good, you guys have met!”

Suki couldn’t help herself: “Actually, we met a long time ago.”

“We did?” 

Of course, he doesn’t remember. “Yeah, you kind of burned down my village”

This stopped the moody prince in his tracks. “Oh. Sorry about that” Then, after a beat, he decided the best thing to say was: “Nice to see you again”

Suki had to admire his gall. 

Zuko and Suki stopped mopping to hide beside a staircase with Sokka.

“So, listen, I think I have an escape plan. I checked out the coolers again, and the point of them is to keep fire benders contained, right?”

Zuko let out an encouraging ‘yeah’ before Suki could, signalling Sokka to go on: “So, they're completely insulated and sealed to keep the cold in. Well, to keep the cold in, it also has to keep the heat out, right?”

Suki was frankly more than surprised at the apparent familiarity between Sokka and Zuko. The short impression she got of him – ruthless, definite anger issues and sporting the world’s most ridiculous ponytail – stood in stark contrast to the awkward, scruffy haired teen standing in front of her, scheming with Sokka as if they’d done so for years – it rubbed her the wrong way. “Just get to the point, Sokka”

“It's a perfect boat for getting through the boiling water!”

Suki was glad that a glance at Zuko confirmed that he also thought that Sokka’s plan was anything but sound. 

“The cooler as a boat? Are you sure?”

“I'm telling you, it'll work! I walked around the perimeter. There's a blind spot between two guard towers, it's the perfect launching point. I already tested it out. We'll roll the cooler into the water and just float with the current. It'll take us straight across. As long as we don't make a sound, no one will notice. And bing-bang-boom, we're home free!”

Suki addressed the first of many flaws she saw in his plan: “But how are you going to get the cooler out?”

“Yeah, how are you going to get the cooler out?"

A sudden mass of a man descended upon them and spooked the trio. 

“What? We didn't ... w-we didn't say that” stuttered Sokka, after definitely having said just that. 

“Yeah, you heard wrong” Zuko chimed in, helpfully. 

“I heard you hatching an escape plan, and I want in” the man grumbled. 

Zuko seemed hell-bent on his strategy of denial: “There's nothing to get in on”

“Yeah, the only thing we're hatching is ... an egg?”

Honestly, how did they get this far?

“Okay, well, I come with you or the warden hears about this egg, too."

Suki saw no way out for them: “I guess we have no choice”

“Okay, you're in” resigned Sokka, handing Zuko a wrench that seemed to appear out of nowhere. 

“Now first we need someone to unbolt the cooler, from the inside”

“Oh, I can get you inside” Suki didn’t trust the mischievous tone in the prisoner’s voice. 

And as she watched Zuko and the prisoner feign a clumsy fight - “I think you mean whom I'm shoving!” \- Suki again began to lose confidence in their plans. 

***

Suki didn’t exchange many words with Chit Sang as they made their way down to the prison’s shoreline, even as he decided to change plan last minute and free two more prisoners once Sokka let them out. She didn’t dare argue with him for fear that he might reveal their plan at the last minute – they’d come too far now. 

She sent a silent thank you towards the skies as they reached the shoreline. 

The unforgiving body of water surrounding them sent a swirling fog towards the cloudy sky, and the mist rising from the surface of the water made her heart jump in recognition. It looked strangely familiar, as if it was about to turn to flowing fabric, caressing the form of a beautiful young woman stepping from the fog. She looked up. The moon was out, albeit obscured by the occasional cloud. Suki, not knowing what else to do, simply sat and stared at her. 

“Haven’t seen that in a while” Chit Sang chimed up from where he stood with his companions, a respectful distance from Suki, and yet close enough to pursue once Sokka and Zuko arrived with their ticket out. 

“Seen what?” 

“The moon. A lot prettier without those ugly bars blocking the sight”

“Yeah” Suki sighed. “It really is pretty”

This was when she heard a gravely sound just above her, and looking up she saw Sokka and Zuko, fighting to restrain the now detached cooler from tumbling down the hill. She quickly jumped up and joined them, not wanting to linger on the train of thought Chit Sang had initiated. 

As he informed Sokka of his change of plan, she noticed his strained expression and assumed from his lack of protest that he agreed with her – there was no point in arguing now. Although their plan went along despite their fair share of setbacks, Suki couldn’t quite bring herself to believe that their escape would be successful. 

That nagging feeling only grew stronger as she overheard Sokka arguing with Zuko. 

“Are you sure you wanna go? You're the one who said you wanted to redeem yourself. Redeem your honour. Rescuing your dad is your chance.”

“Your dad?” Suki’s mind quickly shuffled through the amalgamation of inmates she’d encountered at Boiling Rock, wondering if any of them bared a resemblance to Sokka, but she came up blank. She couldn’t think of a single Watertribe prisoner, in fact. 

“If I had just cut my losses at the invasion, maybe we wouldn't be in this mess." 

Invasion? I really did miss all the fun,thought Suki.

"Maybe sometimes it's just better to call it quits before you fail.”

“No, it's not” Zuko protested. “Look Sokka, you're going to fail a lot before things work out-“

“That supposed to make me feel better?” Sokka strapped his belongings over his shoulder and made his way for the shoreline, stubborn in the belief of his absolute failure. 

“Even though you'll probably fail over and over and over again-“ 

“Seriously, not helping.”

Again, Suki was taken aback as Zuko displayed a startling level of intimacy with Sokka, placing a comforting hand on the other boy’s shoulder. A hand that, a few short weeks ago, would have readily shot deadly blasts of fire at either of their heads.

“You have to try every time. You can't quit because you're afraid you might fail.”

Both Sokka and Suki let Zuko’s words linger in the air, before they once again got rudely interrupted by Chit Sang: “Hey, if you two are done cuddling, can we get a move on?”

Suki could tell from Sokka’s hardened expression that he had already made his choice: “No. I'm staying. You guys go.” He turned to Suki. “You've been here long enough.”

But before he’d even opened his mouth, Suki had made up her mind. Let it be her Kyoshi Warrior code of honour, personal convictions, or Zuko’s words echoing in her head - it had never been a hard decision for her to make. If someone was in need, Suki would be there. 

“I'm not leaving without you, Sokka”

And Zuko seemed to agree: “I'm staying, too”

As they watched the cooler disappear into the fog, Sokka voiced their silent fear: “We gave up our only chance of escaping. I hope we haven't just made a huge mistake.”


	11. Chapter 11

And despite all odds stacked against them, they escaped. Just when Suki had begun to grapple with the fact that she might spend her golden years behind bars, she found herself freed - with Sokka by her side, and the first real glimmer of hope that things might, potentially, maybe turn out for them. 

As Suki sat in the Western Air Temple on her own one night, her position hiding the moon from view, she busied herself stoking the fire. She heard quiet footsteps approach her. But instead of Sokka as expected, it was Zuko who settled down beside her at a courteous distance. He must have received Suki’s hints that she wasn’t quite as ready to forgive him as the rest of them. 

“Do you mind?” He motioned towards the kettle with the teapot in his hand. 

“Oh, sorry”

Suki moved so he could access the kettle and Zuko reached for the water, his arm at a needlessly awkward angle. He really is just a kid like the rest of us. The thought made Suki want to offer him a spontaneous olive branch: “Mind making me one?”

Zuko happily took it. “Is Jasmine alright?”

“It’s my favourite”

“Well don’t get too excited. My uncle may have taught me many things, but his tea-making lessons were lost on me”

“It can’t be that bad. It’s hot leaf juice, how hard could it be?”

They shared a polite smile before both busied themselves with their tasks once more. Suki hoped that had been the full extent of their pleasantries, but she was wrong. 

“Can I ask you something?” he said as he passed her a cup. 

“Shoot”

Suki took a sip, and it was in fact, just as bad as he’d warned her it would be. She tried not to let it show.

“Maybe it’s not my place to ask but…”

Suki eyed him suspiciously, not knowing what he was playing at. Zuko nervously shifted around. “You and Sokka… are you-?”

“You’re right, it’s not your place to ask” she snapped. Quite frankly, Suki didn’t know how to answer, even if she wanted to. However, his embarrassed look made her soften: “It’s complicated, I guess. We haven’t exactly had much time to talk. You know how it is; one’s in jail, one’s on the run - the usual story” 

Zuko smiled at her quip, and it strangely humanized him. It made Suki want to elaborate. “We’ve both been through a lot, and- he’s lost people who were very close to him. I don’t want to pressure him into anything he doesn’t feel ready for, you know?” She spoke more to put her own feelings into words than to explain anything to her newfound ally. 

“Is this about the girlfriend that turned into the moon?”

Suki couldn’t fight the pang of jealousy his words brought on – he told Zuko about Yue, but not her?

“How much did he tell you?”

“Not much. I didn’t pry, I mean- what do you say to someone telling you their girlfriend turned into the moon?”

“What did you say?”

“’That’s rough, buddy’?”

“Oh wow. Yeah, see why he wouldn’t wanna elaborate after that”

“So, what did happen? Do you know?”

“I don’t know if you remember the Siege of the North-“

Zuko's expression turned grave. “I do remember. I was there when it happened”

“So you know about the moon spirit?”

“That Zhao killed it? Yes, I know that”

“Yue is the one who brought it back”

As Suki gave an abridged version of Yue’s story, Zuko’s face turned more and more serious. When she finished, he didn’t meet her eyes. “It’s my fault she died”

“What?”

“If I hadn’t captured the Avatar, Zhao wouldn’t have had the chance to harm the moon spirit. If it wasn’t for me, she would have lived”

“I wouldn’t be so sure, Zuko. It was always Yue’s fate to return her life to the moon spirit. Nothing you did could’ve changed that. I’m sure she would never blame you for it. Or anyone else for that matter. Who knows, if the circumstances were different, you might have been friends”

“It almost sounds like you knew her”

Suki gulped. She could’ve slapped herself for the thoughtlessness of her statement. Damage control, now! “No, I didn’t, I mean... from what Sokka told me, you know?” Nailed it. “You have a lot of similarities. I mean, think about it, you’re both 16, both royalty…”

“Pretty compact list”

“I’m not done!” Suki’s voice softened as she continued: “When it came to making a decision to save the world, you both did the right thing, even if it meant losing everything”

Zuko set down his cup of tea, considering his empty hands. “Well, my decision hasn’t saved anyone yet. Sometimes I feel like I’m still causing more trouble than I’m worth”

Suki couldn’t stand the self-pity in his voice. “Well, if you were in her position, would you have done the same?”

“I know I wouldn’t have. Making good decisions isn’t exactly my strong suit”

“I don’t think that’s true, you know? I mean, you’re here now. You lost your title, your home, your family – just so you could teach Aang firebending”

“I guess … I still don’t see the similarities, but… thank you”

“Well there’s all that, and the fact that Sokka's fond of both of you”

Zuko’s face turned red at the insinuation that the Watertribe peasant could be considered a friend. And yet, Suki didn’t know of any acquaintance who would do what Zuko did for Sokka. They sat in silence for a moment. 

“Zuko?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t tell Sokka I told you about Yue”

***

Suki had become so accustomed to her new normal – prisons, fights, running, conversing with spirits – that watching a play with her friends seemed an almost grotesque display of normalcy to her. But she couldn’t help having a good time, watching her boyfriend and friends getting dragged through the mud, sharing laughs and being reminded of what she now knew were much simpler times. 

That was, until a stagehand began dropping heaps of fake snow on the stage, and the story turned to the Northern Watertribe.

All of a sudden Suki became very aware of the fact that Sokka hadn’t mentioned Yue once since the Serpent’s Pass. She didn’t have to wonder if he still thought of her – his glassy eyes transfixed on the stage told as much. But a part of her wanted to hear more from him. Maybe this was her chance. 

“You never told me you made out with a Moon Spirit!”

“Shh! I'm trying to watch!”

So much about that. Suki crossed her arms and watched on as not-Yue got heaved up towards a wooden moon. Unlike Sokka, Suki was quite successful in blinking back her tears. 

***

“That ... wasn't a good play” - “I'll say” - “No kidding”

“Horrible” Suki chimed in out of a duty to participate, although her mind was miles away. “You said it!” agreed Toph. 

“But the effects were decent!” Sokka, always the optimist, put his arms around Suki as they quickly put as much distance between them and that cursed theatre production as they could. 

“Easy for you to say, they made me look like an incompetent fool out there! All they did was imply you like food!” moped Zuko, trailing behind them, kicking pebbles at the back of Sokka’s feet. 

“Hey! You think you looked bad, buddy? They left out so many of my cool solo adventures! Not a single mention of me battling a moose lion, or getting stuck in the spirit world, or-“

Suki snapped back to reality. “You went to the spirit world?”

“Yeah, pretty impressive, huh?”

“Less impressive when you know it was because he got abducted by a forest spirit” Katara chimed in, smug smile on her face. 

“Hey, that forest spirit was huge and intimidating, and very dangerous!”

Suki’s mind was reeling. All this time she had no idea humans could enter the spirit world. Did Yue know? Maybe she didn’t, she said it herself – she didn’t know much about the spirit world until she became part of it. A slither of hope manifested in the back of her mind. But hope for what? There’s no way she could enter the spirit world, and even if she could, what would she do once she was there? With Yue.

“It was a panda bear, Sokka” quipped Aang from what again seemed very far away. 

“They are vicious beasts! Suki, back me up here!”

Her boyfriend’s voice rudely pulled her back to the present, and she snapped: “I don’t even know what a panda bear is, Sokka”, before she could even process why it was that she was annoyed at him. It’s not like he was the one keeping secrets. 

***

That night more than ever she wished for a moon that never came. A thick gust of clouds covered its glow, and she knew not to expect a visit from Yue anytime soon. There wouldn’t be another full moon before Sozin’s Comet would arrive. For the first time in a long time, she wouldn’t have Yue’s wisdom and comfort to guide her through her hardships. And like so often lately, she missed her friend dreadfully.


	12. Chapter 12

Suki knew she was going to die. 

“Watch each other's backs, and if we make it that far, I'll let you know” 

Sokka’s words only heightened the creeping feeling of mortal danger that had been manifesting in her. A quick kiss, Our last one, solidified it. She followed him blindly atop the airship where the floor never quite steadied beneath her feet, not sure what they were running from, or towards. Before she could comprehend what was happening, Sokka and Toph drifted away. 

“Suki!” She could only focus on Sokka’s horrified face as his empty hand desperately reached towards her, but she was too far gone. Suki looked down. A last flash of hope as she saw not the ground beneath, but rather the top of another airship crashing into theirs. Without a second thought or a last look at Sokka, she jumped.

And landed. “I'm okay! Just finish the mission!”

She could barely hear Sokka muttering a resigned “No” as the agonizing screech of metal on metal filled the air when the airship that just a second ago seemed her saviour, quickly turned into the next thing trying to kill her. 

***

Yue never considers herself in danger at any point in the spirit world. The worst, she believes, is behind her. 

But that belief is deeply shaken by her encounter with the trickster spirit Koh. She knows of him, of course, as she knows of most things these days. And she knows how dangerous he can be. 

And yet he is the only spirit she knew who had been contacted by a human before. 

So she finds herself below a giant tree, maliciously twisted branches reaching for the sky above, surrounding a deep black cave. Koh’s lair. Curiosity wins over, and she steps in.

“The moon spirit…” A voice, low and smooth, like a song. The roots above her come to life, as bit by bit, a dark mass of a spirit descends toward her. A bug-like eye looking on with a human face where a pupil should be. 

“What a welcome surprise to see a fresh face in my lair. I was wondering when the moon spirit would reintroduce itself to me. What kept you so long… do I scare you?”

He creeps closer as Yue remains unmoving. 

“You have no reason to be scared, of course… I’ve always been apprehensive about adding a fellow spirit’s face to my collection. They’re a lot more likely to reciprocate when crossed”

With a blink, the face changes to one of a darker complexion, blue eyes in stark contrast to the dark brown hair framing it. Is he trying to intimidate her?

“I can’t imagine what powers I might have that could possibly hurt you, Face Stealer”

“You’re still young… You don’t know half of the true power us spirits can possess”

“You don’t scare me” Yue retorts with unfamiliar confidence. “I was raised at court. We play masking your true feelings for sport.”

Koh chuckles humourlessly. 

“To what do I owe the pleasure then, moon spirit? Are you here for guidance? To form an alliance?”

“Thank you for the offer but I have enough friends already”

“Oh, I’m aware of your little pets you keep in the physical world. Your stolen moments, leeching off the humanity of those who remain. How strange, that an infinite being like yourself would envy another’s mortal coil”

Yue’s stomach twists at the insinuation. 

“I should go”

As she turns to leave, Koh’s ghostly voice echoes around her. 

“I wouldn’t be so quick to judge a fellow spirit, Yue. You may find yourself in need of help from unexpected places”

***

Now completely on her own, Suki’s thoughts were clearer as ever. Everything slowed down as she assessed her surroundings. As the airship beneath her was ramming into its neighbour, what appeared to be the last ship in line had managed to avoid the carnage, and was beginning to drift past the other side of what was, for now, Suki’s ship. She jumped up and her feet once again flew across the metal. Without a doubt in her mind she visualized a safe spot on the unharmed ship to land on, and she jumped. 

She flew through the air for what feels like minutes – hours go by and she could see the end of it all when her feet once again found solid ground. 

As if she had done it a million times, she made her way towards the giant pieces of metal strapped to the back of the ship, steering the giant hunk of mass through the sky. To think a non-bender designed this.

Before she could reach her destination however, she heard a latch open behind her. She turned just as a soldier, followed by a second one, began to pursue her. 

Suki, having finally decided that she was going to live, didn’t hesitate a second. She grabbed the front of the soldier’s uniform and swiftly lifted him above her, off the side of the airship, just as the second one moved to attack. But before he could get a single strike in, she ducked to kick his feet away from under him, and he also stumbled and fell. 

No time to spare, she continued on and swiftly reached the ship’s propelling mechanism. Through the pull of some wires Suki quickly managed to gain control over the vessel, steering it straight for what she knew (or at least hoped she knew) was the airship that she had abandoned her friends on. 

As she got closer and closer, she could make out commotion on the side of the airship. Two small shapes, slowly descending the side of the balloon, roughly landing on the thinnest of landings. More panic as the smaller one, Toph, lost its footing and plummeted off the side of the airship. 

But Sokka caught her. He had her, and now they needed Suki, if only she could get this stupid thing to go any faster- 

Suki saw red when she spotted soldiers rushing onto the platforms. He can’t take them all, and again the familiar panic set in. But without hesitation Sokka threw his boomerang, swiftly hitting the soldier and suffocating the imminent blast of flame about to shoot from his hand. A determined kick to the hilt of his sword let it land in his hand which quickly propelled it towards the second guard, now plummeting to the depth below. 

But more soldiers followed like flies as the high altitude carried the wind past Suki’s ears, along with what Sokka believed to be his last words: “It looks like this is the end”

Not today, she thought to herself triumphantly, and she couldn’t fight the smile on her face as her ship once again crashed. Perhaps because of the impact, or out of sheer exhaustion, Sokka finally let go of Toph’s hand, before letting go himself and crumbling in a heap beside her, clutching his leg. 

“How did that happen? Did boomerang come back?”

Sokka finally met her eyes. “No, Suki did!”

She was no longer alone. They would be fine.

***

Suki couldn’t shake the feeling that she was dreaming as she found herself on the balcony of a small tea shop in Ba Sing Se, watching fireworks marking the beginning of a new era. As night set in on the final day of the war, Sokka’s voice cut through the distant noise: “You won’t believe what I just had to witness!”

Her head turned and she watched Sokka making his way towards her, shaking his entire body as if ridding himself of a hoard of elbow leeches. 

“What is it, Sokka?”

“I just saw the Avatar making out with my sister! Can you believe it? That came out of nowhere!”

Suki let out an involuntary laugh. “Are you kidding? Anyone with one functioning eye can tell there's something going on between those two from a mile away"

“Well, that half-eyed genius could’ve maybe told me about it. I had no idea! At least until I had to see my baby sister kissing someone on the lips!”

“Didn’t know you were so anti-kissing all of a sudden”

“I’m not! Just when it involves my baby sister!”

“In that case-“

Suki took his face in her hands and pressed a quick kiss on his lips. The terrible sights he had witnessed – not just this evening – seemingly forgotten, he wrapped his arm around her and leaned against her. 

“I’m still not okay with it. They’re children, both of them! What do they know?”

“Come on, Sokka! You should be happy for them. They finally get to be teenagers and enjoy themselves a bit! Isn’t that what all of this was for? So we could live? Just let them enjoy themselves!”

“I guess you’re right”

Arms around each other, the two watched the last of the evening’s celebrations from afar as the moon slowly made her ascent.

It was long before Suki spoke: “You know, I never thought that all of us would survive this”

“Not all of us did”

Suki looked up at him, trying to read his expression. Was he talking about-

“I never told you about Yue, did I?”

“No, you- Yue?”

Sokka didn’t notice Suki almost giving herself away. He finally told her everything. From first meeting Yue, to quickly falling for her, to her body disintegrating in his arms. His guilt, his rage, his shame. The entire time Suki just listened, scared she might accidentally reveal her secret friendship with the spirit. When he finished speaking, the night had fully fallen around them, and Yue stood high in the sky. His voice was raspy and quiet.

“I don’t want you to think…. I don’t want this to stand between us. She’s important to me, and she always will be, but…”

At this he turned to her, taking her cold hands in his. 

“I’m not wasting my time chasing after someone I can’t have, not when I have someone so special right in front of me. I’ll always be fond of Yue, but… I love you, Suki.”

Suki took a sharp intake of breath. Suki was sure she loved him, and she all but knew he felt the same way. But with everything going on, they had left their true feelings unspoken between them. Until now. 

Suki smiled and placed a gentle hand on his cheek. 

“I know, Sokka. I love you, too”


	13. Chapter 13

With the war over, the years seemed to fly. Assassination attempts, public revolts, daily life with Sokka, it all seemed to blend into one. 

Eventually, happy days outweighed the bad, and bit by bit, Suki settled into a space that both her and Sokka occasionally allowed themselves to imagine filled by someone else. It’s not like either of them was unhappy – it was just natural curiosity. 

She had fully grown into her role as royal guard to the Fire Lord, just as Sokka settled into his various roles as a public figure, which more often than not landed him back at the Fire Nation Palace, and back with Suki. She quite enjoyed the unconventional nature of the relationship – neither of them were conventional people, after all. Distance did really make the heart grow fonder, at least in their case, and the two happily settled into their own rhythm. 

And it’s not like Suki was completely alone at the palace. She had her fellow Kyoshi Warriors to occupy her time with, and she had actually started to develop a deep friendship with the new Fire Lord based on mutual respect and a shared fondness of jasmine tea. 

And there was always Sokka, not Yue, whose strong arms enveloped her on nights when the ground felt like it never quite steadied beneath her; and it was Suki, not Yue, who ran her fingers through his hair when Sokka felt like he couldn’t shake the terror of his weakened grip being all that stood between him and death’s door. 

But each full moon, Suki shared her nights with what had now become the closest of friends. More often than not her and Yue would talk through the night until the sun slowly started to intrude - Yue feigned a complete lack of knowledge of how the hours had passed, and Suki let her believe that she believed it, and they vowed to be more responsible next time. But once a month Suki awoke curled up on her balcony after stealing a few hours of sleep in the early morning sunlight. She never regretted it. 

On the rare occasion that Sokka’s visits overlapped with the full moon, Yue stayed quiet. After all these years, Yue still couldn’t quite bring herself to show herself to him. At least, that’s what Suki assumed. 

As the full moon illuminated their room on one of those nights when no words were shared between the two women, Suki busied herself staring at Sokka’s bare back. He was engulfed in the shadow thrown by Suki’s own body blocking the moon's light. 

Sometimes, in quiet moments like this, she wondered if that initial attraction had ever spawned into what it was now if it hadn’t been for Yue. If Yue hadn’t appeared to her she would have never reached that harbour, never run into the Avatar again – if it wasn’t for her, she wouldn’t have found Appa, and been sent to Boiling Rock, and once again been reunited with Sokka. She couldn’t deny that the spirit was pushing some sort of agenda. She still just couldn’t quite figure out what that agenda was. Was she really so desperate to ensure the personal happiness of a boy she snuck kisses with back in her youth? Desperate enough to meddle with an innocent girl’s life? 

Suki wondered how different her life would be if she had simply never run into Yue. If Yue had simply never run into the Avatar. If she had lived and somehow, some way, they had met- 

She turned, facing the moon shooting quiet questions of light her way. 

***

“Do you ever feel like you’ve hit a turning point in your life?”

Suki felt particularly thoughtful that night. Everything seemed bigger under the moonlight, even now that a light blue glow along the horizon signalled the impending arrival of the sun. She was glad that she had insisted on taking the one condo on the palace’s grounds that directly overlooked the bay. Yue always seemed a lot more present when accompanied by the ocean spirit. 

“I certainly had one very big turning point. I can’t say I’ve had many after that one”

“Right…”

Suki felt stupid, forgetting like so many times that she wasn’t just talking to anyone. Not much pseudo-philosophical banter with an all-knowing spirit. 

“I feel like that was a precursor to something that needs to get off your chest”

Suki smiled. She was tired, but so glad for the fleeting time she got to spend with Yue. It was an odd thing to admit, but through no lack of friends, she never felt like she could be quite so open with any of them. Yue’s distance from the physical world allowed her to see things a lot clearer than most, and yet her lingering humanity gave her a unique insight into the infinite wisdom spirits seemed to possess. 

“I mean… do you think there’s a point in your life where you just… stop making decisions and just let things play out? Do you think that’s normal?”

Yue pondered Suki’s words for a moment. Suki cursed every bit of silence between them – she saw it as wasted time. “It sounds to me like you’re trying to justify the lack of a decision”

Suki huffed, feeling utterly seen. 

“There’s things I want to do, people- I just feel like I have a good life, you know? I have a great partner, great friends, a great job, I should be happy-“

“And yet?”

“And yet…”

Yue studied Suki’s face as she spoke. A faint scar above her lip, another more prominent one splitting her left eyebrow – the small wrinkles around her eyes, creasing and relaxing as she laughed. It filled her with a strange mix of comfort and envy. 

“I feel like if I try and change things now, I’ll just end up messing it up for everyone, you know?”

“But you’re not happy” 

Suki wasn’t quite sure if Yue was asking her, or telling her, or simply encouraging her to keep going. Suki kept going. 

“I’m not. I’m not happy”

“Do you know what would make you happy?”

She stared Yue down, trying to decipher her gaze. 

“I think I do…. I do know. I know exactly what I want but there’s no way for me to get it. Even if I tried, I know I could never have it. So what’s the point of even saying it, right?”

Yue again stole seconds with her silence as she just stared at Suki in full understanding. 

Then Suki felt her throat go dry as Yue reached out a hand. It had never occurred to her – could they touch? Yue never initiated it, Suki assumed they couldn’t, but her mind now raced with the possibilities as Yue’s hand edged closer to her face. Then, a sensation spread across her left cheek – not quite touch, not quite matter, but definitely something. Solid softness, spreading a slow coldness across her face. 

Then Suki was the one wasting time, being unable to do anything but stare at the non-woman floating inches from her face. 

“I’m so sorry, Suki” 

“Sorry for what?” Suki whispered as Yue closed her eyes and softly placed her lips on Suki’s forehead. But instead of the warmth of skin on skin, Suki felt nothing but a slight tickle, as if a mist was moving across her face. An infuriating culmination of what was an infuriating infatuation. 

And Suki realized why Yue had apologized. Even if she wanted to, Yue could never give her what she wanted. She was no longer human. And Suki achingly felt every cell of her stupid body tying her down as the spirit ascended back to the sky, ushered out by the first rays of sunshine creeping over the hills. 

***

The next day of a full moon Suki anxiously awaited the night. For weeks a small fear had turned into the complete knowledge that Yue would never show herself again. If it wasn’t for the slightest bit of hope that the tenderness of Yue’s touch had instilled in her, she might not have even bothered to step out on the balcony that night. No words could descripe the relief she felt when Yue's light once again illuminated her surroundings. 

“Yue”

“Suki”

“I thought you might not want to come anymore”

“Are you joking? I don’t know if you’ve ever met any other spirits, but they’re not exactly great conversationalists. Besides-“

Yue came ever so slightly closer, and Suki felt her heart jump into her throat. 

“I made a promise”

Suki beamed. "And you have a Pai Sho game to lose”

She tapped the carefully placed board in front of her, containing a game the two had continued on over several months now. They often got carried away. 

“Of course. I wouldn’t want to miss your little victory dance for the world” 

Yue laughed, and so did Suki, who surprised herself with the realization of how familiar the melody of their shared laughter sounded. Sometimes it felt as if she’d only met the spirit yesterday, but forever ago. 

“Yue”

The women stopped abruptly as a male voice cut through their laughter.


	14. Chapter 14

He couldn’t remember the last time a day had passed that he hadn’t thought of either one of them. 

‘I can take care of myself’ 

Losing Yue had only amplified the little voice at the back of his head that always told him that he simply was never enough – he hadn’t been strong enough to protect Katara, or his mother, and now Yue. He couldn’t help being overprotective of Suki, even as the years went on and their world became safer day by day. The fear never left him. 

‘I want you to guard my daughter’ – he replayed the words over and over again in his head – ‘I have to do this’. Each night as he looked up at the moon, her words echoed: ‘Goodbye, Sokka. I'll always be with you’

But was she? Sokka could never be sure how much of Yue remained. Could she see him? Could she hear him? Could she answer?

Years of no sighting of Yue solidified his belief that she must have fully passed onto the spirit world. Even when Aang once revealed to him one drunken night that he has spoken to Yue, on multiple occasions, he didn’t blame his friend. He comforted himself about her absence - It must be because he’s the Avatar, he thought. And I’m just some guy.

Each thought spared for Yue was followed by a pang of guilt when he remembered Suki, and over time, the two became intrinsically linked in his mind. Every tender moment shared with Suki reminded him of ones he never got to have with Yue – and each of the few memories he had of Yue brought on the same ugly thought – what if?

Although he liked to consider himself a content man, he couldn’t stop his mind from conjuring up images of a life he never got the chance to lead. A different woman welcoming him home after a long journey, a family he might have known and loved if it wasn’t for - so many things. If he had never triggered Katara’s angry outburst with his loud-mouthed comments, if Aang had decided he didn’t need to ride the giant koi fish after all, if they’d never made their way to the North Pole. But things were as they were, so he never lingered long on what might have been. After all, he was a content man, and he had a deep appreciation for the people who still remained in his life. 

He never regretted telling Suki about Yue – he felt like it brought them even closer than before. Yet some nights he awoke to an empty space where Suki should have laid beside him, and when he spotted her perched on the railing of their balcony, staring up at the moon, he couldn't help but second-guess confiding in her. He didn’t like the thought that Suki might see Yue as a competitor for his affection. 

Walking amongst the fire lilies and moon flowers in the palace’s gardens, he confided in what had since become his closest friend: “I think sometimes she wishes I never told her. It’s too much to put on a relationship, you know? And I don’t like the thought of her hating Yue”

“She doesn’t hate Yue” Zuko said. 

“You don’t know that”

“Yes, I do. She told me herself. Actually, from what it sounded like, she’s quite fond of her”

“When did Suki tell you about Yue?”

“It was back at the Western Air Temple. One night I was making tea, and-“

Sokka didn’t hear another word that came out of Zuko’s mouth. As Zuko revealed impossible fact after impossible fact about Yue, one thought became louder and louder in Sokka’s mind: I didn’t tell her about Yue until after the war. 

Zuko had long forgotten the promise he had made Suki. He assumed that there wasn’t a thing that Sokka and Suki would keep from each other after so many years. To Zuko it had been an off-hand comment, but to Sokka, it was only the beginning of a spiralling obsession. 

He not-so-slyly mentioned the incident in his next letter to Katara, wondering if it was his sister who had told his girlfriend about the moon spirit’s origins. But when her response arrived, she only deepened Sokka’s suspicions – she had never talked to Suki about Yue, didn’t feel it was her place, and Aang couldn’t remember the topic ever coming up between them either.

As the list of people who could have possibly told Suki about Yue shrunk to nil, he couldn’t deny the only possibility left – that Yue had told her herself. 

Once again he stood by himself, bathed in moonlight, sending silent pleas towards the sky. Things would be so easy if he could only ask her. Please, just once, he thought. Just one time, that would be enough.

Feeling like a mad man, he felt pushed to finally breaching the topic with Suki. It was a rare day off for both of them that they decided to spend at the beach, just like old times. Suki dug her toes into the sand as she rested her head on Sokka’s chest. She got lost in the rhythm of his breathing, a gentle ebb and flow, push and pull. 

“Sooks, can I ask you something?”

Her eyes slowly opened as she lazily turned her head towards his. 

“What is it?”

Suki's head bobbed up and down as Sokka took a deep breath. “Zuko mentioned something the other day… about Yue. And you telling him about Yue back at the Western Air Temple”

“Yes?” Now Suki sat up, her full attention in him. It made Sokka nervous. 

“It’s stupid, but… who told you about her? Cause I didn’t tell you about her until after the war was over. So, I was wondering… who told you?”

He didn’t expect Suki to throw back her head in laughter. 

“No, you got it all wrong. You told me about her before that, don’t you remember? That night in the tent? We talked about your mother, and then you told me about Yue”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely. I mean, who else would have told me, right?”

Sokka definitely remembered that night – it would have been a special night for the two regardless, but Zuko’s unexpected visit steered the mood towards a more serious topic. He couldn’t remember talking about Yue, but then again, it was a long time ago. 

“Right…”

As Suki settled again, despite the ridiculousness of it all, Sokka couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was lying to him. He couldn’t help his scheming ways. 

His plan was simple enough, Suki had no reason to question him when he told her he would be spending the following weeks in Cranefish Town, telling her not to expect him back anytime soon. 

So the following night he found himself hiding in his own closet. Crouched between green silken robes and blue linen tunics he felt more and more stupid - and quite frankly a bit invasive - watching his girlfriend ready herself for the night through a crack in the doors. 

But she never went to bed. Instead, she made herself a cup of jasmine tea and readied a Pai Sho board – one that Iroh had gifted them on a rare visit from Ba Sing Se. They never used it. She settled herself, facing the empty space opposite, overlooking the bay.

Sokka didn’t have to see her face to recognize her anxious fiddling – she was nervous. But for what?

Sokka thought that Suki must have lit a candle because slowly a faint glow washed over their room. But it kept growing brighter. And then, a voice.

“I thought you might not want to come anymore”

Although unheard for many years, a different - but just as familiar - voice: “Are you joking? I don’t know if you’ve ever met any other spirits, but they’re not exactly great conversationalists”

His heart stopped. So he wasn’t crazy. But by the spirits, he wished he was. He considered staying in the closet for good.

“Besides - I made a promise“

But then his hand pushed open the closet door, and he stepped out. His girlfriend took no notice, and neither did the moon spirit. 

“And you have a Pai Sho game to lose”

“Of course. I wouldn’t want to miss your little victory dance for the world”

They laughed. The familiarity between the two women stopped Sokka dead in his tracks. 

“Yue” Not a question, not an accusation. A fact. The resignation in Sokka’s voice amplified Suki’s terror as her head snapped back. And in a flash, Yue disappeared and stole the light that had illuminated Sokka’s devastated face. He didn’t have to say a word for Suki to know that her lies had finally caught up to her. 

***

Whenever she played it out in her head, the moment Sokka discovered her dirty little secret, she’d always imagined him livid. Prancing up and down, screaming voice almost as high up as his arms flailing about in unbridled rage. 

She didn’t imagine him just standing there, and staring. Nothing but pure heartbreak on his face. 

After what seemed like a lifetime, he finally spoke.

“How could you, Suki?”

“I’m so, so, sorry Sokka, I-

She reached out for him, but he took a step back. Suki wished with all her might that he would yell at her. 

“It’s just- I- I promised not to tell you, and- you always seemed uncomfortable talking about her, I assumed you wouldn't want to know- “

“Wouldn't want to know what, Suki? Know about my girlfriend gossiping about me behind my back with my ex? My ex who, may I add, is the moon spirit!”

Suki, now defensive, crossed her arms. “We’re not gossiping! And in all fairness, Sokka, she’s barely your ex-girlfriend-“

“Who are you to tell me who’s my ex and who isn’t? The relationship police?”

The return of his sarcasm gave Suki the confidence to defend herself. She tried to be at least a bit apologetic when she said: “Sokka, you knew her for what, three weeks? I’ve known her for 12 years now-“

“So you’ve been lying to me for 12 years?”

Suki couldn’t argue with the truth. 

“I don’t care about Yue. You lied to me, Suki. I don’t even know how many times you lied to me”

“Sokka, I’m so sorry, I-“

“No, Suki. I- I need some time to think”

“Sokka, I-“

But without another word, Sokka turned and left her standing alone in the darkness of their home. 

***

Sokka’s discovery of Suki’s betrayal rang in the complete breakdown of the delicate life they had built around each other. 

Sokka spent more and more of his time in Cranefish Town, and the few times he did return to the Fire Nation palace, he did so on official duties as councilman. When he wasn’t attending meetings with the Fire Lord, which he seemed to enjoy a lot more than spending time with Suki these days, Sokka was filling his time making up excuses to avoid seeing her.

The coldness in his voice whenever he did speak to her only solidified a decision Suki had subconsciously made a long time ago.


	15. Chapter 15

Yue tries not to think of either of them. She focuses on the hazy rhythm of push and pull, but her mind wanders even though she remains still.

And eventually she begins to wander along to a place she never expected herself to return to.

“Come to ask for your favour?” purrs the Face Stealer. 

“I’m not”

“Then why are you here?”

He performs his usual dance around her. Silent intimidation. 

“Looking for a companion? Are you lonely?”

Although she didn’t wish it, part of Yue almost hoped her face would give an involuntary twitch to the lip or a furrow to her brow.

“Finally come to the realization that you were playing with fire. You’re not the first, you know. All human spirits cling to their past for a time.“

Koh isn’t even facing her – he’s trying to lull her into a false sense of safety. 

“But each reaches a point where they have to confront the truth”

Suddenly his entire body turns, taking but a second to halt in front of her – his usual white face inches from hers, red lips and grey markings in stark contrast. 

“The spirit world is no place for humans. It doesn’t take long for their appearance to follow suit. Or have you never wondered why your friend the Painted Lady never shows her face?”

Yue remains perfectly still as Koh’s spidery limbs caress the edges of her. 

“There’s no face left to show. As her human essence left her, so did her human features. I suppose only time will tell if the same will happen to you. Would be a shame… It is an exceptionally beautiful face. And I have a great appreciation for beauty”

He bears the face of a young man with a fine slender nose, his high cheekbones perfectly framing his piercing green eyes.

“You have an odd way of showing your appreciation”

Koh isn’t deterred by the moon spirit's contentious words. 

“I see why you cling to your humanity. It’s the very edge that the Avatar balances on – not quite human, not quite spirit – that is the source of their power”

Another young woman stares at Yue from the beetle-like entity. She has black hair and bright grey eyes. She looks kind.

“But look at you. You’re all spirit now, aren’t you? But then again, there was never much human to begin with…”

Without moving a single muscle in her face, Yue turns her head to face the spirit. She stares him down as he continues. 

“Yet something still ties you to the physical world. One can’t help but think there might be some unfinished business you left behind”

“I should go”

The Face Stealer’s presence vanished as Yue’s own voice fills the empty space around her - ‘I'll always be with you.’

It was a callous promise, made without the knowledge of what her existence would be like. It’s true that inhabiting the spirit world offers many improvements to the physical world, and yet, the endless possibilities of her existence robbed her of its greatest rewards. 

Yet another false promise: ‘You’ll never be alone again’

This one she made knowing the inherent untruth of it. Suki was very alone, all the time. 

She pushes the thought away, returning to her true purpose. Push and pull, push and pull. 

And she may have remained that way if it wasn’t for La shooting concern her way. It was the nature of their relationship that when Yue was upset, so was La. 

So to lift the fellow spirit, La summons a gift. A small lump of brown, floating in the space between them, filling it completely.

She thinks it might be a bear, but then she recognizes the small carving. It has a fin. It’s a fish. The fish Sokka carved for her. 

It’s not a gift, it’s a question. A suggestion. 

Yue finally decides to face her unfinished business. 

***

“Aang?”

The bearded man looking up from the paperwork on his desk was a stark contrast to the image of Aang that she had carried in her mind over the past years. The young idealistic boy has grown into a respectable diplomat – a fully realized Avatar.

“Suki!”

The scroll before him quickly forgotten he rose from his desk. He hadn’t questioned her for a second when she sent a telegraph informing her old friend of her planned visit to Cranefish Town, where Aang had made quite the home for himself along with his young family. Aang stood before her, greeting her with a small bow, quickly followed by a strong-armed hug. 

“It’s so good to see you!”

“It’s been too long”

Aang ushered Suki towards his desk, where he had already placed two tea cups in anticipation of his guest. 

“You could accompany your boyfriend a lot more on his visits, I’m sure the other Kyoshi Warriors can handle the palace on their own every once in a while!”

“Says you, all Katara ever talks about in her letters is how you’re practically married to your work!”

Suki noticed the slight nervous tremor in his hands as Aang poured their tea. 

“What can I say, the city never sleeps, so neither does the Avatar”

His quip was tinged by heavy tiredness, but his face showed none of it. His big grin was met with a nervous smile from Suki. 

“I can’t help but think there’s a reason you’re spending your rare free time in Restoration Bay!”

“Restoration Bay?”

“Ah, we’re trying something new, Cranefish Town just doesn’t fit the city anymore, you know?”

“Yeah, but I don’t think Restoration Bay’s it, Aang”

“So why?”

“It sounds kinda clunky”

“No, I mean, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

Suki had hoped the conversation would patter around small talk for a lot longer than it did, and she squirmed in her seat as he handed her a cup. She blew on it to win time, but all it did was create a heavy silence between the two which only fed into Aang’s certainty that his friend arrived with ulterior motives. 

“I sort of came here for official reasons – at least for you, as the Avatar”

“What is it?” It was as if Aang switched gears; his posture became ever so slightly more upright and his face changed from a warm welcome to an undecipherable mask - into what Suki assumed was his Avatar Mode, as Katara not-so-lovingly referred to it in her letters. 

“I have a question. About the spirit world”

“The spirit world?” 

Suki hadn’t considered it until this moment, but now she wondered if Sokka had mentioned what happened between the two. If he told his old friend about Yue. He certainly hadn’t told him about the break up. 

“I was wondering… is there a way to enter the spirit world? As a normal, non-spirity person, that is”

“Can I ask what brings on the question?”

“I’d prefer you didn’t”

Aang was not one bit offended by Suki’s abruptness, and rather seemed to appreciate her transparency. “Okay.”

And that’s all it took. Throughout her questioning Aang not once pried, not once asked a single question, only answered calmly and matter of fact – like a truly balanced Avatar. 

Yes, non-Avatars had entered the spirit world, on numerous occasions. 

No, he didn’t personally know anyone who willingly entered the spirit world, at least not for sure. 

Aang had only heard rumours of especially spiritually enlightened people who had transcended into the spirit world and returned unharmed. And as it were, they were rumours surrounding a mutual friend.

“Iroh? He went to the spirit world?”

“I heard that he tried after his son died. Although I have to add that not everyone who dies automatically transcends into the spirit world, Suki”

“Yes, I know that. That’s none of my worries, Aang”

Aang considered this for a second. Suki couldn’t tell if her comment eased his mind or made him even more worried about this string of questions. 

“You know, a lot of this is only based on legends, Suki”

“I remember when you were just a legend”

Aang was caught off guard by Suki’s comment. 

“Even if you manage to enter the spirit world, if you do it, you can’t stay there for long. If your body and mind are separated for too long, you might not be able to come back”

“That won’t be a problem, Aang”

Aang’s hand now wandered from his cup to Suki’s wrist. “Suki, how badly do you need to go to the spirit world?”

Suki answered in full honesty: “I would give my life to try at this point” 

Aang’s face turned very serious. “Suki… is this about Yue?”

“I knew it!” Suki pulled her hand out of Aang’s grip and wagged an accusing finger in his face. “What did Sokka tell you?”

“Sokka didn’t tell me anything”

Suki stared, dumbfounded. 

“Hello?” Aang vaguely gestured in his general vicinity. “Bridge between the two worlds? I have friends on both sides”

“So you’ve talked to Yue?”

“What, like it’s hard?”

Suki’s mind was racing. 

“All this time you’ve been talking to Yue, too? Does Sokka know?”

“I told him eventually, yes. He told me to say hi, he’s fine”

“Well, he wasn’t fine when he found out I was talking to her”

“Well, from what I can tell, you and me are having very different conversations with Yue”

Now Suki jumped up, along with a searing blush turning her face bright red. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means-”, this is when Aang gets up, annoyingly collected, “-that I wouldn’t give up my life to see her in the spirit world”

Now it was Suki’s turn to mull over Aang’s words in her head. She meant it; she would give her life. If it meant taking the sun’s place, just so she could catch a fleeting glimpse at Yue as night turned to day, she would do it.


	16. Chapter 16

Once she knew what she wanted it didn’t take long for Suki to set out to find it. 

“Are you sure I have to drink this?”

“Hey, you wanna open your chakras, right?”

“Yeah?”

“Then bottoms up!”

Suki clamped her nose and let the disgusting drink flow down her throat as Aang explained: “Chakras are pools of spiralling energy in our bodies - you need to clear the pools of any earthly tethers that might be clogging up the flow between them in order to reach spiritual enlightenment. And the first step, unfortunately, is drinking onion banana juice”

Suki just about stopped herself from letting the drink go through her head again. 

“Ready?”

“I’m ready.”

“Good. Focus on your breathing. Push out everything around you except for my voice. Breathe in. Breathe Out"

Suki did as told. 

"Your first Chakra is the Earth Chakra, at the base of your spine. Concentrate on that point. This chakra deals with fear and survival. Remember times that you were scared” 

Suki tensed at an onslaught of flames, daggers, swords, fists coming at her from all angles - faceless enemies merging into one undefeatable force. 

“Let yourself feel the fear. Visualize it” 

Battles won; fights lost. Sokka’s horrified face as his desperate hand reaches towards her, but she’s too far gone. 

“Allow yourself to feel helpless. Accept the fact that fear is a natural part of life. But don’t let it hold you back from pursuing your goals”

Unsteady ground beneath her feet, flying across prisoner’s heads. Capturing the warden, throwing soldiers off airships - fireworks in the sky as an unbearable weight is lifted off her shoulders. 

A deep sigh escaped Suki’s lungs.

“Good. Next is your water chakra. It’s the chakra of pleasure, and it is weakened by guilt” 

Two small shapes, slowly descending the side of a balloon, a rough landing. Panic as the smaller one loses her footing and plummets off the side of the airship.

“What do you blame yourself for?”

Friend after friend dropping to the ground around her as strong fists render them helpless in the blink of an eye. Carried off into the distance to unknown horrors. Suck-Up.

“Let the pleasures of life outshine these dark moments”

A familiar lanky frame in even more familiar Watertribe-style clothing. Laughter as strong arms throw themselves around her neck, a kiss to the cheek. A kiss on the lips. A kiss on the neck. A hand caressing her face. 

“Realize that, although we may have control of our own destiny, we are all victims to fate” 

A faint glow illuminating her surroundings before she sees the figure floating before her. 

A single tear flowed down Suki’s cheek. 

“Well done. Suki. Number three is located in your stomach - the Fire Chakra. It is fuelled by determination and smothered by shame. What brings you shame?”

A face full of heartbreak and nothing else. 

“What do you wish you’d done differently?”

‘How could you, Suki?’’

“Accept that you are the driving force behind all you do. Know that we cannot take back hurtful words, or return to rectify those unspoken”

‘Why even say it out loud, right?’

“You are the maker of your own destiny. Take full control of it”

Suki could feel her back align in a way she’d never felt before. She felt powerful. 

“Ready?”

Suki gave a small nod to her teacher. 

“Perhaps your most important chakra is located in the heart. It contains your love and it is blocked by grief. Visualize your regrets, your losses, your heartbreak - what brings you grief?”

A moon segmented by unbreakable metal bars. Goodbyes to friends, to family, to lovers. A mist moving across the left side of her face.

“Fear and grief are siblings – they are the natural consequence of each other. Life cannot exist without them. The same way that the four elements need to exist in balance of each other, we need to maintain balance within ourselves to make sure none overtakes the other.”

Suki was more aware of her body than ever. She felt as still as a rock, as if she herself had sprung from the earth she was sitting on. Another breath. Another nod. 

“Okay. The fifth chakra is the chakra of sound. It’s located in your throat – it signifies the things we say. Lies we speak, and the truths we tell - to others, and to ourselves”

'I love you' \- Declarations that had been genuine every time, but had ceased to be true somewhere along the way. The decade-long denial of an infuriating infatuation.

“You have to find the balance between your thoughts and your actions. The best intentions are outweighed by the worst of actions. Act with care, be precise”

Another deep intake of breath for Suki. Aang’s sign to continue. 

“The next is the light chakra, right in the centre of your forehead. It signifies spiritual insight, and is blocked by the illusion of separation. The walls we build around ourselves trick us into believing that no one else knows the struggles we go through. But we are all connected by the energy surrounding us, and two things that may seem complete opposites might be exactly the same”

A young teen making an impossible sacrifice to save the world. A bridge between worlds. A connection built despite the separation of worlds and bodies. 

A smile crossed Suki’s lips. 

“You’ve almost reached the end. Your final chakra is your thought chakra. It concerns the pure cosmic energy that exists inside all of us – benders and non-benders alike. Think about what attaches you to this world”

Sokka. A rock in the stormy seas of life. Fully and always there for her. Yue. Not a part of this world, and yet the anchor that had allowed her to cling to life as long as she did. 

“Now let go of it. Let it flow down the river, so you can untether yourself from the world”

“What?”

Sukis eyes flew wide open. 

“How is that going to help me get to Yue? I want to finally be attached to her, what’s the point if I have to let go of her to do it?” 

“It’s the only way, Suki. You have to open all your chakras so you can find enlightenment”

“But they’re the one thing that’s gotten me through it all, Aang! I wouldn’t be where I am if it wasn’t for Yue, or Sokka, or you. I probably wouldn’t be at all”

“Suki, you have to realize that the only person responsible for you is you. It’s the only way you can truly be with her. You have to start trusting in yourself and your abilities. You can’t keep attaching your hopes to just one person. It’s not fair to expect other people to carry your burdens along with their own. Do you see them?”

Sokka. Yue. Ty Lee. Zuko. Aang and Katara. A nod. 

“Good, now let go”

Suki didn’t realize she’d been crying until the air hitting the tears cooled her cheeks. 

“I’m proud of you, Suki. You managed something I couldn't do on the first try. How do you feel?”

“I feel… ready” A nervous laugh escaped Suki’s mouth. “I’m ready, Aang”

***

For hours, Aang and Suki debated the best place for her to begin her journey until they decide on Forgetful Valley near Hira’a. Aang told her of a time that he had run into a spirit that occasionally granted wishes to mortals. 

Each day in Hira'a she rose only to spend her days meditating at the edge of the water, eyes peeled for face-like markings in her surroundings announcing the presence of the spirit, but nothing ever changes. No spirit comes. All that shows one moonless night is a lone wolf drinking from the water, before disappearing back into the brush as quickly as it came. 

She remained in the village for one winter and one summer solstice, hoping the astrological events would ease her transition into the spirit world. But the spirit didn’t show. Suki started to consider the fact that maybe not all inhabitants of the spirit world would be as welcoming as she’d wished. 

She remained hopeful that at least one spirit in particular would be ready to welcome her. 

***

Yue hardly believes the words whispered to her by a kindly wolf spirit. Her Suki? Meditating?

Yue is not sure what to think of Suki’s recent pursuit of spiritual enlightenment. 

Suki never mentions it during their monthly chats, and Yue doesn’t press her to talk about it. 

Of course she has her suspicions as to the reason for it all. But she doesn’t dare say it out loud. 

The delicacy of the question makes no difference to the weight it bears. It scares her. 

She needs a friend to talk to. A human friend, for her very human problem. But Suki is clearly more than a friend by now.


	17. Chapter 17

Aang didn’t argue for long, but he did feel obligated to question Suki’s decision a little bit. But in the end, it was her choice to make, not his. And he couldn’t deny the favour to his dear friend. 

Suki visits him on Air Temple Island outside what was now known as Republic City, a name Suki much preferred to some previous drafts. 

The had been meditating for hours and the moon stood high in both skies when they finally find themselves in the spirit world. 

Suki feels weightless as she takes in her surroundings – bright yellows, pinks, and purples – unnatural colours perfectly suited for the unnatural beauty around them. 

“Amazing”

“It is” says Aang. “But be careful, you can’t-“

“I can’t trust every spirit, I know, Aang. So, do you have any idea where Yue could be? Aang?”

Suki turns to look for her guide, but Aang is gone. 

Where she expected her friend stands a withered old tree – twisting branches reaching for the endless sky, surrounding a deep dark cave. Suki expects her heart to beat faster, only to discover she no longer has a heartbeat. She steps in. 

“Yue?”

A black mass above her sets in motion and a giant beetle-like creature reveals itself. 

“Who are you?”

“My name is Koh”

“Koh!” Her exclamation is quickly followed by Suki’s face turning to a death mask. She remembers a night long ago, when Yue confided in her that the spirit world wasn’t quite as free of dangers as Suki assumed. The image of the Face Stealer haunted her dreams for weeks afterwards. 

She doesn't dare move a muscle as the spirit stares her down with a stranger's face. 

“Looking for someone?”

Suki speaks through gritted teeth: “Yes. I’m looking for the moon spirit. Do you know where she is?”

For a second the face changes to that of a young Watertribe girl. Suki’s face would have dropped if it wasn't for the dark hair framing the girl’s face. 

“I can lead you to her if you wish. I did promise Yue a favour, after all”

“Thank you” is all Suki says as she follows the dark mass slithering towards the light. She takes but a few steps, but her surroundings change at a rapid speed. They stand atop a cliff, overlooking a thick fog, swallowing all beneath it. 

“There she is. This is her home. This is where she and La are connected in eternal dance”

And indeed, the gentle fog rolling across the ground awfully reminds her of the billows that descend upon the edge of the water whenever Yue shows herself to her. 

“Go on. She’s waiting for you”

Suki takes a step towards the edge. And another. And she begins to hear voices – ‘It looks like this is the end’ – ‘Don't you know fans just make flames stronger?’ - ‘I can’t keep meddling in affairs that don’t concern me’- ‘Suki, how could you’ – but she doesn’t turn back. She’s too far gone. 

“Koh, stay away from her!”

Koh disappears the second the voice rings through the spirit wilds. 

“Aang?”

“Suki, get away from there, now!”

“But-“

Before Suki knows it, Aang takes her hand-

-and she found herself right back on Air Temple Island, right back where she started. She couldn’t fight the hot tears of frustration spilling from her eyes.

“What did you do that for? I was this close to-“

“You were this close to entering an eternal spirit prison!”

“He told me that Yue was-“

“Well, he lied to you, Suki. I’m telling you, you have to be careful about what spirits you talk to – you can’t trust all of them the same way. You have to be careful. One second spent too long separated from your body, and it’s over!”

Although she had come closer to reaching her goal as ever before, Suki had never felt more hopeless. This just wasn’t enough. 

***

“Sokka? Sokka!”

It took an agonizing amount of time for Sokka to so much as crack open an eyelid. 

“Jus- dreamin’… g’back to bed…”

“Sokka, you’re not dreaming!”

Sokka shot up from his bed, his hair pointing in all sorts of directions. 

“Yue?” Sokka’s bare feet flew across the wooden floor as he ran onto the balcony he hadn’t stepped on in months. 

He rubbed his eyes. “Are you sure I’m not dreaming?”

“I don’t know how exactly to prove it to you but… take my word for it, I’m sure”

Sokka couldn’t do much more but stare, mouth agape. 

“It’s good to see you, Sokka”

“And… you. Yue. Wow. Gimme a minute”

He turned his back to her, took a deep breath – in, and out – before turning back to face Yue. Yue, right in front of him. He wondered why she wasn’t saying anything when he realized that she was also staring at him, just as lost for words. She looked like she might cry. Could she still cry?

“What is it?”

“Nothing you just look… different. Good different, of course. You look… good”

Something along the lines of a laugh came out of Sokka’s mouth. 

“I can’t believe you’re actually here… with me”

“I was always with you, Sokka. Even if you couldn’t see me, I saw you. I was always with you”

Sokka furrowed his brow. Yue felt deep guilt as she noted the small wrinkles and scars that time had marked him with. It made her terribly aware of all she had missed. 

”That sounds more like an invasion of privacy than being there if you ask me”

Yue winced at the truth behind his sarcastic comment. Sokka didn’t care, she deserved at least a bit of scolding. 

“I’m sorry I never- I just never knew what to say to you. Everything I want to say, it just didn’t feel like it would ever be enough to tell you how sorry I am”

Sokka considered her words for a moment. 

“Funny, I feel the exact same way. Everything I wanna say to you now- I feel like it’s already been said”

“Thank you for saying that” Yue smiled, comforted in the knowledge that the hardest part of the conversation she had dreaded so much was behind her. 

“You should definitely still apologize for stealing my girlfriend”

The slight bitterness in Sokka's quip did not go unnoticed by Yue. “What do you m- I didn’t- she’s not-“

Sokka didn’t say anything. His single raised eyebrow spoke volumes. 

“It’s just… when I first became a spirit, Suki was the first person I ever managed to form a connection with, and it just… it complicated things. I made her promise not to tell you, I didn’t want to intrude on your life more than I already did. I now realize that that probably resulted in me intruding even more”

Sokka managed a lop-sided smile. “I guess us not talking just made everything worse, huh?”

Yue tentatively smiled back. 

“I suppose so. As a very wise friend of mine once said, the hardest conversations tend to be the most important ones”

“Suki always knows what to say”

Yue lets out a relieved laugh. They were fine. “She might not know it, but she possesses more wisdom than the two of us combined”

“I couldn’t agree more. Although let’s be honest, I’m not contributing much to the pile”

“I think you underestimate yourself”

“Well in that case, may I offer you a chunk of my enormous wisdom cake?”

Sokka’s face got very soft, and Yue feared the worst. 

“If it was up to me – I’d rather have at least two of us be happy than all three of us be miserable. But that’s just my opinion”

“But what about you, Sokka?”

“Yue, I’ll be fine. I’ve always been fine. I think it’s high time you start thinking about yourself”

Yue smiled at her former love. “If it’s not too late”

“It’s never too late to get happy. Just hang in there”

“Well, I don’t think I have much of a choice in the matter”

“Was that… a moon pun?”

“Who says spirits can’t play on words?”

Yue laughed and Sokka felt sixteen again; clothes soaking wet from the cold arctic water as a beautiful girl floats away.

“To think I had such an influence on you, after all this time”

Sokka’s voice appeared faint to her as morning pushed in on them. 

“I’m sorry, Sokka. I have to go now. It was good to talk”

“It really was. Hey, Yue?”

“Yes, Sokka?”

“Goodbye”

***

Yue appeared to Suki one last time.

“Suki, I have a favour to ask you. It’s very important”

“It’s been a while since I heard that”

Neither woman could fight her smile as Yue gave Suki a task, her most important one yet. At least to them: “I want you to travel to the North Pole. At the base of a waterfall behind the palace is a small door. You can’t miss it”

***

So Aang accompanied Suki on one last spirit trip. 

“Are you ready?” Aang only asked out of courtesy. She wouldn't change her mind now. 

Suki nodded and stepped into the pool. The water was warm. 

She made her way to the centre, where two Koi fish were busied in an eternal dance. 

She thought of Yue. And she thought of herself. 

And she went under. 

***

Suki has no idea how long she has been wandering the Spirit World. She doesn’t grow tired, and she never feels hungry or thirsty. Time seems to have no authority in this place, speeding up and slowing down, ebbing and flowing like the tides. 

So it was a sudden realization that had crept on her for a long time – what if Yue isn’t here? 

She finds herself by a stream, and she falls to her knees, exhausted. Not physically. She is just very tired. 

And just then, a flash of white appears in her peripheral vision. She turns, and Yue stands in front of her as if she had been but one step behind her the entire way. 

She wasn’t glowing, not in that sense at least. She was shrouded in her usual white, but it hung in quiet cascades from her side, starkly framing her against the rainbow-coloured flora behind her. She was smiling. “Suki”

Not a question, not an accusation. A fact. An answer. Suki steps forward. She stops an arm’s distance from Yue. Not an apparition, but really Yue, in the flesh. And she laughs. She laughs out loud, from exhaustion and fear and tiredness and love. She is in love, and the spirit she is in love with is standing right in front of her, laughing along. And they keep laughing as Suki presses her lips against Yue’s, really feeling her, and feeling every fibre of her own body as it laughs along.


	18. Epilogue

> Before we draw  
>  My dear, dear friend  
>  I promise you my word  
>  If we should part  
>  My dear, dear love  
>  You know you're in my heart  
> 
> 
> And though I may be getting older  
>  Know that I'm coming with you  
>  Know that I'm hanging on to  
>  The things that you said  
>  The things that you said  
> 
> 
> I felt my soul  
>  Rise up from my body  
>  When I look into your blue eyes  
>  If cosmic force is real at all  
>  It's come between you and I  
> 
> 
> I want to be naked  
>  I don't mean my body  
>  I don't need my body  
>  I'm floating away  
>  I'm floating away
> 
> Some things Cosmic - Angel Olsen

And just like that, her body is gone. And in its place is nothing. Absolute, endless and eternal nothing. 

But it doesn’t matter. They are finally together, and before them lies the endless possibilities the void has to offer.

She joins her love in an eternal dance of push and pull - shadows of joy, eternally dancing. 

Their joy outshines everything – joy for themselves, for the battles won, for the feeling that finally, they had reaped the rewards for all their sacrifices. 

They wander the Spirit Wilds hand in hand, taking it all in. Taking each other in. Making a home - secret if it were not for the lush green forest springing at its physical counterpart on Kyoshi Island. 

Time turns into a cyclical thing, not quite concerning them anymore. They can’t tell how long it has been since Suki had taken her place by Yue’s side, but they know it was for good. 

Still, visions of the world they left behind appeared before them - not stark reminders of things lost, but rather dear reminders of lives truly lived. 

Sometimes they see Sokka, once again filling the space by his side with a trusted friend. Whispered confessions of newly discovered love, first kisses, a family - laughing, crying, living, being.

Along the way, two young girls in love paying them a visit – Korra and Asami, sitting with perfect mirrors of their love, sharing tea and cakes that never fatten them. 

And Yue pushes. And La pulls. 

It is long before Koh’s warning rings true, but it happened nonetheless. The more time spent in the spirit world, the more Suki loses her humanity. She has no need for it anymore. She’s long removed herself from it. 

As her complexion fades, a silent decision is made between them. Yue decides to finally take the favour offered by Koh a long time ago. A rare donation to his collection.

This is definitely not how Suki had expected her life to end. But she is glad, even when all that remains are two faceless shadows wandering the woods of Kyoshi Island in the light of the full moon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyway SOO
> 
> i specifically resurrected my tungle dot hell account to post abt this fic so come yell at me on mediumsizedbang xx


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